Regrets
by Anake14
Summary: Cardverse AU Spades is a vast land known for its' fertile lands and abilities in magic. Arthur is due to be the Queen of Spades because he has the highest connection to nature magic in the lands. What no one knows is that Alfred has a bit of magic too.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Sum: Cardverse AU Spades is a vast land known for its' fertile lands and abilities in magic. Arthur is due to be the Queen of Spades because he has the highest connection to nature magic in the lands. What no one knows is that Alfred has a bit of magic too.

Regrets

Chapter 1: Start of the Fall

Arthur scowled once he and Alfred were alone in their room together.

"C'mon, don't be this way Artie…" Alfred sighed.

Arthur's scowl deepened, "I'll bloody well act however I want you bloody git! I don't want to be married to you!"

Alfred was glad that Arthur was turned away as he felt a pang of hurt and knew his expression was probably also telling. He didn't try to speak again that night and had respectfully set up a makeshift cot so he wouldn't have to sleep next to Arthur, knowing the other would probably just kick him off the bed anyway. He kept his back turned to Arthur and Arthur likewise did the same.

Alfred hated this, this coldness, this distance that caused him nothing but grief. Most of all he hated knowing. The kingdom's rulers were chosen by magic, a magic that meant for the king and queen to fall in love and work together, that gave them a patient jack to help come up with compromises. Alfred hated knowing his queen would never know until it was too late just how much he loved him.

There were few things Alfred would say he felt regret for. One being that his brother and he were separated by the suits and another being that he could no longer casually walk among the lower classes to talk to friends like Tony. He was isolated and alone, but he didn't regret being chosen as king because he truly did love his queen.

His queen, his beloved who denied him and hated him and wanted nothing to do with him, the one who hurt him as he tried to laugh off the insults and made him say halfhearted insults in return to make the queen think he felt the same, to protect his queen from the future that was held for the two of them.

Everyone in Spades knew the queen had magic, knew the jack gained wisdom, and knew that the king was just and forgiving. That is what everyone knew. The Royals kept additional gifts a secret. Like Yao knowing more about poisons and fighting than the majority of the guard or Arthur's ability to grow any sort of plant and have it bloom within a week. It was the king's that was the largest secret, the one none of the other Royals knew of at all.

The greatest gift the Spades kingdom has is the hidden talent of its king. The gift to see the future and know what was to come to the kingdom. All too soon a few years had passed, life continuing in the same manner, until they received a declaration of war by the Clubs kingdom. The others rushed into action, but Alfred merely got up and went to his private study. Once there he stared out the window and let a few tears fall.

A knock interrupted his thoughts. He wiped away the tears and continued staring, "Come in."

Arthur scowled at the man before him as he walked in, but the man did not turn to face him. "I beg your pardon _Your Majesty_ but we need you to be with us as we alert the generals."

"Right, of course, I'll be there in a few minutes, I just have something to take care of," Alfred said steadily.

Arthur's scowl deepened as he concluded that something was wrong with the king, but he couldn't pry as it was obvious the king had dismissed him. He walked out the door without another word and slammed it shut behind him.

Alfred flinched at the slam, but he could not tell anyone what would happen. He wanted Arthur to be happy and if Arthur still hated him when he left, if he didn't care for him, then surely he wouldn't be hurt and would be able to move on, maybe find a king he truly did love. With that determination Alfred walked to the room where the general's where meeting and stood beside his queen and the jack his face blank as he announced the war and proceeded to detail a battle plan. They had about two weeks to be ready, one before they would have to leave to meet their enemy on the battle front.

During the week before his departure Alfred secluded himself further, choosing to sleep in separate quarters from Arthur, but still watching his queen when he would take walks through the garden or sit beneath the Spade Tree and enjoy a cup of tea while reading a book in the little free time he was given to not stress himself out before the battle.

Arthur was worried about Alfred, while he did not like being married to the git he knew Alfred was a good man. He didn't like how Alfred, who was usually a very social person, secluded himself and closed himself off from the other members of the kingdom. Only once had Alfred left the castle grounds, he returned to the place where he grew up to see an old friend, Tony, without knowing Arthur was following him. A sharp pain flooded Arthur as he watched the two talk and laugh. It was the closest Alfred had been to himself since the news of the war and he was jealous.

Arthur returned to the castle without noticing Alfred's eyes on his back as he spoke to his old friend.

"You should tell him before you go Al," Tony said. "You'll regret it if you don't."

"I'd regret it anyway. I want him to be happy. Knowing my feelings won't make him happy, he hates me," Alfred responded, his head hanging down. "It would be unfair of me."

Tony didn't say anything, just let his friend finally let go of his feelings, because really, there was nothing else that could be said. Even if Alfred did tell Arthur, it was obvious that the queen made no secret of his feelings for his king and Tony could tell that Alfred was hurting. The two stayed and talked a while longer before Alfred made his way back to the castle, feeling just a bit lighter since the news had come.

On the night before he was due to leave, Alfred walked into the room he had shared with his queen who stared at him blankly. Alfred shuffled his feet and shifted uncomfortably, "May I stay here for the night?"

Arthur stared at him wanting to turn him away, knowing the man never really used proper grammar and English unless he wanted something, but he could feel himself giving in, because he had never seen his king's eyes as sad as they were now staring at him. He nodded and Alfred walked over to the bed, slipping in but kept his back to Arthur knowing he would never be able to stare at his queen without wanting to do something.

"Thank you," his muffled voice said as the queen too slipped into the covers.

The next morning Alfred was awake before sunrise. He slipped out of the room and went to his study where he penned a quick note. Walking into Arthur's study he slid the note on the desk, beneath piles of paperwork where he knew his queen would get to it eventually. He went to the stable and saddled his horse, getting himself up on it and having the horse trot up to the stairs of the castle where his queen and jack awaited him with his generals.

"I take it you are prepared?" Arthur said sternly, his eyes just a bit softer in the early morning light, his hair a bit more beautiful, and his skin with more of a glow. Alfred nodded not trusting his voice. As was customary the queen gave his king a kiss on his lips, just a peck that made Alfred blush from intimacy that he had never had before as the only other kiss they had shared was in the church the day of their marriage, for luck, there had been no wedding night to consummate their marriage.

The group set off into the distance and soon enough could not be seen by those left behind at the castle.

On the battlefield there was nothing but the ringing clashes of blades, the terrain drastically changed by the spilt blood and the bodies that littered the floor leaving behind a horrid smell.

The kings swords clashed, sparks flew dangerously, as they matched each other blow for blow on the battlefield, but Alfred could tell the other king was growing weary and a slight hope grew that maybe the future would not be as he had seen, but a misstep and fall over a fallen body proved him wrong and Ivan thrust his sword and ran him through. Pulling his blade out Ivan laughed, "So this is all the great Spades kingdom has to offer. You are a foolish king, it is no wonder your queen never talked about you."

"You lie," Alfred hissed, knowing he was losing blood fast. "My queen would never associate with the likes of you."

Spitting at the ground of Ivan's feet he felt himself slipping into unconsciousness. Ivan chuckled. "Well, you'll never know the truth or not."

Mounting his horse Ivan went back to his own troops, ordering them to return and rest for the night.

Alfred's troops did not know where their king was, but they retreated. Only two people had seen the king fall, a messenger who returned to the palace without delay in order to deliver the horrible news, and a mage who wandered over to the fallen king, the only man to have shown him any kindness in his childhood and helped him find a place where he could train his magic and live peacefully amongst the strange forest creatures that dwelled in the surrounding areas of the kingdom that usually dissuaded the other kingdoms.

Arthur was going through his paperwork when he found a parchment written in elegant cursive he had only seen once before. Checking the signature to confirm who the work belonged to he saw his king's signature. He read through it once, then twice, and again unbelieving of the words written before him and he felt his heart flutter in joy and shock, before turning to guilt and sadness and maybe regret.

_**Dear Arthur,**_

_** My beloved queen I know how busy you are and know that you will not find this note until well into the war. This may be my only chance to make my feelings known. I love you. Those words have been a burden upon me as I wish you nothing but happiness. I know you hate me and think me immature, but if you treat life like a job, everything worth living for will pass you by.**_

_** I love the way you look in the morning, your golden hair a tad bit messy and your eyebrows look so fluffy that I want to run my fingers over them just to see if you might purr like a cat. I love the way your eyes light up and how they reflect your mood. I love the rare smiles that grace your lips and it makes me want to hold you close and kiss you over and over.**_

_** I love you so much that I never want you to doubt it. I was so happy when I found out I was going to be king because it meant I could help the people of Spades. When I met you I was happier because I believed I was the luckiest man in the world to be able to wed you and get to know you. You might not remember it but we met before when we were younger, and I've always watched you from afar since then. You were so kind to me, an orphan no one cared about, and it made me happy.**_

_** I also have something else to confess. For all that I love you and you not I, all I desire is your happiness. Should anything happen to me I beg of you to find someone who will love you as much as I and more, someone to care for you and show you that you are loved in every way, even ways that I was not able to.**_

_**All my love forever,**_

_**Alfred F. Jones**_

A/N: This is liable to stay a one shot. For several reasons including, but not limited to, I'm lazy and have four other stories to write, plus my college work, I'm getting a job, and this was mostly written to vent for me being kicked out of my house. I might continue this, but it will be after I finish at least three of the other stories and I have a bit more time on my hands.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: After a very encouraging review from one of my favorite authors I decided to give you guys Arthur's POV. I still won't be updating this anytime soon after this, namely cause Psychology class is kicking my ass worse than the English one for college courses, and I still have to figure out what to sell and what to keep since I'm being kicked out of the house.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Sum: Cardverse AU Spades is a vast land known for its' fertile lands and abilities in magic. Arthur is due to be the Queen of Spades because he has the highest connection to nature magic in the lands. What no one knows is that Alfred has a bit of magic too.

Regrets

Chapter 2: The Other Half

Arthur scowled once he and Alfred were alone in their room together.

"C'mon, don't be this way Artie…" Alfred sighed.

Arthur's scowl deepened, "I'll bloody well act however I want you bloody git! I don't want to be married to you!"

Arthur kept his back turned to the other. This marriage may as well have been a total farce. They hardly knew each other and they most certainly didn't love each other. Alfred was the type of man that women loved, the type of man to treat everyone equally and respect them all, but most importantly he was the type of person Arthur had always wanted to save him from this sort of life.

Arthur hated the life of royals. It was all so fake, it didn't mean anything to any of them, it was all just some damn pretense of agreement with no real meaning…and Arthur hated thinking that their marriage was the same, because there was no other way that Alfred would have possibly met him and Francis had always said no one could love someone who looked and acted as he did.

He heard Alfred shuffling into a makeshift cot, but kept his back turned on the man as he settled into the bed comfortably. It was routine at this point, an unspoken agreement that there would be no contact between them, but Arthur ached for it to be real, for the marriage to have meant more, and for there to be real feelings between them, but all they ever did was argue. It was painfully cold and it made Arthur feel lonely to know that there was little he could do to close the gap between them.

Arthur knew more about their kingdom's magic than anyone else in the kingdom except maybe Alfred, though he never understood the boy's interest in it or asked why he wanted to know so much. Arthur made an effort to get closer to the jack, Yao Wang, but never made an effort with Alfred. Alfred was so different, so bright and loyal; a good leader with a good heart and Arthur could not understand why he was chosen as Queen, not when there were so many others who would be better for Alfred. Alfred deserved the best and Arthur was hardly qualified.

Arthur hated the silence that surrounded them in the throne room. It was suffocating as yet another fight ended between Alfred and himself, but he refused to cry. The words hurt, but not nearly as much as the insults did. Arthur couldn't handle it, so he strode from the room with his head held high and walked to his personal library. Arthur sighed as he sought out a book for comfort, running his fingers along the spine of a particularly well used book of romantic and tragic poems.

A few tears escaped him as he grabbed the book and walked to the personal garden. He had learned from the previous diaries of queens that it was usually a meeting place for them and their queens, detailing rather raunchy situations that made him blush. He wanted that. He wanted the love of his king to truly be his, but Alfred and he grated on each other, they could barely get along. He wanted the love that those kings and queens shared, he ached to know that the legends of the love between the kings and queens were true and not a one-sided effect of magic that bound them together.

His gift and love of nature calmed him as he sat alone in the Queen's Garden. It was comforting and familiar, calming Arthur from his thoughts of Alfred as he sighed in content and sat down to read beneath the Spade Tree. It was a hauntingly familiar poem of love and heartbreak.

_**I dare not hope his love is mine**_

_**Nor share I the thoughts of heart**_

_**For dwelling thoughts in kind**_

_**Have lingered from the start**_

_**I seek not a withered love**_

_**Nor reveal these feelings true**_

_**I seek mutual friendship of**_

_**A relationship undue**_

Arthur understood so perfectly the anonymous writer whose feelings hid beneath the surface of friendship. It was painful, but it was preferable not to make the current relationship awkward and they were already accustomed to the constant battle of words, but Arthur had hoped, perhaps something would change.

Time passed unduly, with uncertainty lingering between the servants and the royals themselves as they adjusted to the new type of life and the petty arguments that rang through the halls each day. It became routine. All too soon a few years had passed, life continuing in the same manner, until they received a declaration of war by the Clubs kingdom. Arthur immediately began to throw around orders, knowing that Alfred would need time to gather his own thoughts, watching his King from the corner of his eyes.

As the king left Arthur worried, but continued handing out orders and telling Yao to call council as he went to get Alfred so that they could alert the generals and have a war meeting to discuss tactics.

He walked calmly, trying to gather himself. He couldn't show just how worried he was to the king, he couldn't tell him that he didn't want the war because wanted or not they were about to enter one. If he hadn't had to jump into action and hand out orders in place of the king he would have been stuck in stunned silence, because the possibility of him losing Alfred to it was very real. He knocked on the door and took a deep breath.

"Come in," he heard Alfred say as he opened the door. It was so nonchalant, like Alfred couldn't care less at who was at the door, like what they had just heard was an everyday announcement that held little meaning to him.

Arthur scowled at the man before him as he walked in, but the man did not turn to face him. "I beg your pardon _Your Majesty_ but we need you to be with us as we alert the generals."

"Right, of course, I'll be there in a few minutes, I just have something to take care of," Alfred said, no noticing Arthur's eyes narrowing.

Arthur's scowl deepened as he concluded that something was wrong with the king, but he couldn't pry as it was obvious the king had dismissed him. He walked out the door without another word and slammed it shut behind him.

Arthur walked down the hall to where he had told Yao to meet him. At Yao's questioning look he shrugged and stared blankly at the wall before him. Even when Alfred joined them and they walked to alert the generals, Arthur stared blankly. Everything he had hoped for their kingdom was at risk, Alfred's life was at risk, and he hated to think that the war would take everything.

During the week before his departure Alfred secluded himself further, choosing to sleep in separate quarters from Arthur, and it worried him even when he would take walks through the garden or sit beneath the Spade Tree and enjoy a cup of tea while reading a book in the little free time he was given to not stress himself out before the battle.

Arthur was worried about Alfred, while he did not like being married to the git he knew Alfred was a good man. He didn't like how Alfred, who was usually a very social person, secluded himself and closed himself off from the other members of the kingdom. Only once had Alfred left the castle grounds, he returned to the place where he grew up to see an old friend, Tony, without knowing Arthur was following him. A sharp pain flooded Arthur as he watched the two talk and laugh together. It was the closest Alfred had been to himself since the news of the war and he was jealous, not just because Alfred was happy, but because it seemed like the two were the ones who were actually together. He felt like he didn't belong, he never would.

Arthur returned to the castle without noticing Alfred's eyes on his back as he spoke to his old friend. It hurt that Alfred would never share those secrets with him, to know he would never be the one to help Alfred or talk with him about his worries. It was painful and duly noted that there would always be someone else in Alfred's life to take the place he wanted.

It wasn't until the night before Alfred was due to leave, Alfred walked into the room he had shared with Arthur who stared at Alfred's form blankly. He watched as Alfred shuffled his feet and shifted uncomfortably, "May I stay here for the night?"

Arthur stared at him hard wanting to turn him away, knowing the man never really used proper grammar and English unless he wanted something, but he could feel himself giving in, because he had never seen his king's eyes as sad as they were now staring at him. No matter how badly he hated to think he might lose him, he couldn't deny him. Arthur nodded and Alfred walked over to the bed, slipping in but kept his back to Arthur not knowing how much that hurt, because Arthur wanted to see the face of the brave man who he would be seeing off in the morning.

"Thank you," his muffled voice said as Arthur too slipped into the covers.

The next morning Arthur awoke alone, a painful ache in his chest knowing this could be the last time he saw Alfred, his King, the man he loved. He wanted to say the words so badly, wanted to tell Alfred how he felt, but maybe it would be worse. Maybe it just wouldn't be worth that risk. He'd just have to tell Alfred when he got back from the war.

Arthur got out of bed and dressed himself for the day. Today he would have to see off Alfred and today he would be left alone with Yao and would handle the affairs of the kingdom alone. He stood atop the castle steps with Yao and the servants, Alfred's generals atop horses awaiting their King who would lead them into battle.

Alfred arrived looking regal, something no one would have thought of him just a few years ago before their marriage. He looked brilliant astride the steed and had Arthur been a woman he would say that Alfred would be the perfect knight in shining armor and the type he would want to rescue him. The sight made him breathless, but he took a few breaths and calmed himself.

"I take it you are prepared?" Arthur said sternly, his eyes just a bit softening a bit as he watched Alfred who nodded at him without saying a word. As was customary Arthur gave his king a kiss on his lips, just a peck that made Alfred blush, and while Arthur tried not to the telltale color formed on his cheeks as well from intimacy that he had never had before as the only other kiss they had shared was in the church the day of their marriage for luck, there had been no wedding night to consummate their marriage.

The months that the war waged dragged on in an endless cycle for Arthur. It was hopelessly dull without Alfred there to talk to him even if all they exchanged were teasing remarks and insults thrown. He listened to the complaints of the kingdom and resolved issues, but admittedly the most interesting part of his day was watching the palace guards train the new soldiers. He pitied the poor boys who would soon be sent off to fight in the war, but they were enthusiastic and had Alfred's optimism, which was endearing in a way Arthur would never admit aloud.

Arthur was going through his paperwork when he found a parchment written in elegant cursive he had only seen once before. Checking the signature to confirm who the work belonged to he saw his king's signature. He read through it once, then twice, and again unbelieving of the words written before him and he felt his heart flutter in joy and shock, before turning to guilt and sadness and maybe regret.

_**Dear Arthur,**_

_** My beloved queen I know how busy you are and know that you will not find this note until well into the war. This may be my only chance to make my feelings known. I love you. Those words have been a burden upon me as I wish you nothing but happiness. I know you hate me and think me immature, but if you treat life like a job, everything worth living for will pass you by.**_

_** I love the way you look in the morning, your golden hair a tad bit messy and your eyebrows look so fluffy that I want to run my fingers over them just to see if you might purr like a cat. I love the way your eyes light up and how they reflect your mood. I love the rare smiles that grace your lips and it makes me want to hold you close and kiss you over and over.**_

_** I love you so much that I never want you to doubt it. I was so happy when I found out I was going to be king because it meant I could help the people of Spades. When I met you I was happier because I believed I was the luckiest man in the world to be able to wed you and get to know you. You might not remember it but we met before when we were younger, and I've always watched you from afar since then. You were so kind to me, an orphan no one cared about, and it made me happy.**_

_** I also have something else to confess. For all that I love you and you not I, all I desire is your happiness. Should anything happen to me I beg of you to find someone who will love you as much as I and more, someone to care for you and show you that you are loved in every way, even ways that I was not able to.**_

_**All my love forever,**_

_**Alfred F. Jones**_

The letter made him ache with undeniable pain and love. The combination hurt, because Alfred had done this, wrote this before he left knowing he might not make it back, and Arthur had not done anything at all. He had not even told Alfred how he felt with a gesture like this.

A week after he found the letter a messenger rushed in to the throne room, halting the speeches being given. Arthur silenced those who dared to protest in outrage. "What news?"

"My Queen, I bring you the utmost terrible news and I must deliver to your ears alone," he said.

Arthur nodded. "Everyone, you are dismissed. We shall reconvene in two hours."

Unwilling to induce the queen's wrath they begrudgingly left the room, shutting the doors so that all that remained were the queen and the messenger. "Speak."

"My Queen, it pains me to deliver the news, but His Highness has fallen in battle. The king of Clubs ran him through with his sword on the battlefield as King Alfred drove him back and allowed the troops time to retreat," the messenger said.

Arthur was terrified; he kept his face unreadable, unable to express his grief before the man. It wouldn't do for him to fall apart, the kingdom needed him. "Does anyone else know?"

The messenger shook his head. "Good. Keep it that way. The people are more likely to continue fighting if they believe His Highness is still alive. Keep our soldiers fighting and push Clubs back. When this war is over, only then shall we announce the passing of our king."

The messenger nodded and Arthur dismissed him. Once he was gone, Arthur ran to his study, and pulled out the letter. He wept and his tears stained the page on which Alfred confessed his feelings, his eyes too blurry to read the words anymore, but he had memorized them anyway.

"Alfred, Alfred, Alfred, Alfred," he chanted his name over and over. He had lost his love before he could tell him. Alfred was gone and somehow he would have to move on, somehow he would have to keep going, but he felt like his world was falling apart and he didn't know how. Alfred's words echoed in his mind with his voice, telling him to move on and be happy, but Arthur didn't know how. Alfred had been the only one to accept him in any way, to show him love, and point out things about him that he liked, where others thought were repulsive, like his eyebrows.

"Why?" he dared to question, knowing no one would answer. "Why did you go? Why did you leave me?"

Arthur cried and cried, until finally all he felt was hollow. There was no justice in the world like Alfred had believed, if there were Alfred would not have been taken from him before he had the chance to experience love. Yet, Alfred had always believed, so maybe if he did something would be worth it. Maybe he just had to search.

A/N: There you go. Literally last chapter for a while because my laptop is dying on me and I need to finish all my assignments before it goes bye-bye for good on me. On a belated side note, Happy National Compliment Day.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I couldn't resist. This story is one I actually like and coincides with my emotions at the moment and their hecticness… so ultimately I fail in holding to what I say I'm going to do. It also just so happened to be written while I listened to Josh Groban's song Remember Me on repeat thus the title. -_-'

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Lana Del Ray's Monologue at the end of National Anthem which will be in bold. Nor do I own the lyrics at the bottom belonging to Josh Groban's song because it was stuck in my head and worked for the perfect ending.

Sum: Cardverse AU Spades is a vast land known for its' fertile lands and abilities in magic. Arthur is due to be the Queen of Spades because he has the highest connection to nature magic in the lands. What no one knows is that Alfred has a bit of magic too.

Regrets

Chapter 3: Remember Me

Alfred felt weightless as he lay on the ground where Ivan left him to die…that damn commie bastard, he'd pay. His vision blurred and he hated to think this was the end. He had yet to see Arthur's reaction to his note, he hadn't told him in person. As he thought of Arthur, memories he treasured made their way to the forefront of his mind.

"_Get out of here, damned useless brat," the man grunted as he pushed Alfred aside in the alley. "You're of no use to us."_

_Alfred felt his eyes prick with tears, he had tried damn it. It wasn't his fault he saw orphans younger than him and he had given them the food and some of the money he had stolen. He hated living on the streets in Spades slums. He was going to die here._

_Alfred limped away and found an empty alley between buildings. The wind was harsh, but he doubted he could last much longer anyway. He was just another person separated from the people he cared about by the suits. He curled up against the wall, trembling. He had forgotten his fever too. His throat burned and ached for the cool relief of water._

"_Hey stop for a moment!" he heard a voice call out, but he didn't dare look up even when he heard the halting steps of a horse driven carriage. "Hey can you look at me?"_

_Alfred opened his eyes blearily, unsure if the voice was talking to him. It was an angel with unkempt hair, fuzzy eyebrows, and the most beautiful green eyes he'd ever seen. He knew those eyes would outshine every gem in the world. "Can you nod your head if you can hear me?"_

_Alfred tiredly did as the voice asked, before sleep took him. _

_It wasn't until he awoke he learned the name of his savior. The son of a noble by the name of Kirkland, it had been the youngest, Arthur, who had saved him._

"You've gotten yourself into another mess haven't you Alfred?" asked the voice of a cloaked figure approaching him.

Alfred grinned. "When aren't I in some kind of trouble?"

"That had better be rhetorical, you dumbass," the man said lowering his hood. "It's annoying. Between you and Matthias I swear I might as well just be a healer instead of a mage."

"It's good to see you Lukas," Alfred said cheerily at the young man, he was slim and feminine, much like Arthur, but he had pale blond hair and Prussian blue eyes.

Lukas scowled at the cheery King. "I should just leave you to die," he said as he focused his powers into his hands and ran them across the King's body enough to heal the worst of the wounds. "Let's get you back to the cottage."

"You're still living there?" Alfred asked.

"Of course, it's not like anyone has become very accepting of magic despite the knowledge of the queen having it," Lukas snorted. "It's fine the others come on occasion to visit and I'm usually hard-pressed to get Matthias to leave me alone."

Alfred snorted in return causing a small pain from the action. "Like that'll ever happen. He loves you."

Lukas blushed and smacked the back of Alfred's head as he helped him get up and lean against his shoulder. "Can you try and shift your weight?"

"Yeah," Alfred grunted. He walked aside Lukas in the direction of the cottage he had helped him build over six years ago when they had been teens.

By the time they arrived Alfred was sore and tired, but the sight of the old well loved cottage made him whistle in appreciation. "It's still beautiful."

"Of course it is. Now let's get your ass healed so you can win the war and go back to your Queen," Lukas said as he dragged Alfred's now dead-weight over to the bed and laid him across it while assessing the wounds better than he had on the field. "You're going to have to drink tea," Lukas smirked.

Alfred groaned in response but accepted it nonetheless. Lukas was a good friend and when the war was over he resolved to do something nice…like make him the leader of the first ever mage school in the kingdom. Yeah, that sounded perfect.

*~At the castle~*

Arthur was distracted, the news of Alfred's death had hit him hard and it had hurt him in a way he had never thought to feel. He felt empty without the man's childish optimism and foolishness around and he honestly believed he'd never feel whole again. He could remember things about Alfred that he had secretly adored and pretended to be annoyed at, like the man's sudden mood swings or moments of singing, slightly off tune but not horribly, or the time he dragged Arthur to the garden's because he couldn't sleep which led to an impromptu session of dancing.

"Arthur," Yao said. "This cannot go on, you are hurting yourself and it will affect the kingdom, aru."

"Yao," Arthur acknowledged. The Jack still did not know what was bothering the Queen so much. The war was going well, they were _winning_, and yet still the man looked no happier than he had at the start of the war.

Yao realized that wasn't quite true. There had been one point a few months into the war Arthur had been happier, as if a burden had been lifted and it was a week later he resumed to look like the burden of the world fell upon his shoulders. "Arthur, I am your friend, aru. Please tell me what is wrong."

Arthur's lips quirked in a smile, perhaps he should tell Yao his troubles. He would leave out the King's death, but he could tell him the truth. "I'm in love with the King."

Yao rolled his eyes. "That is not the problem, aru."

Arthur shook his head and smiled in reminiscence as his gaze looked out the window and Yao watched him. "**…and I remember when I met him, it was so clear that he was the only one for me…**"

Yao didn't say anything. He was entranced by what Arthur was saying, lost in memories as he was, he looked so different.

"…**we both knew it, right away and as the years went on things got more difficult. We were faced with more challenges…**" Arthur looked at Yao pleadingly, trying to get him to understand the words he couldn't say. That he should have _**begged him to stay**_.

"**I try to remember what we had in the beginning…he was **_**charismatic, magnetic, electric,**_** and everybody knew it. When he walked in every woman's head turned**," Arthur recalled. He had been jealous, but he knew that Alfred was his, had been his longer than he had thought. "**Everyone stood up to talk to him. He was like this **_**hybrid**_**, this mix, of a man who…couldn't **_**contain**_** himself. I always got the sense that…he became **_**torn**_** between being a good person and **_**missing out**_** on all of the opportunities life had to offer a man as **_**magnificent**_** as him…and in that way I…**_**understood him**_**…and I **_**loved **_**him.**"

Arthur let out a small laugh as he continued, "**I loved him, I loved him, and I loved him…and I still love him. I love him.**"

They stayed in silence for a while. What could be said? Yao, along with the other members of the household, had always assumed that the king and queen had felt nothing more than dislike for one another, but to learn the queen had feelings…did that mean the king had too? Was it like children teasing each other and hurting each other because they didn't know how to act?

Yao pinched the bridge of his nose. "You and His Majesty both idiots, aru. You no say how you feel and act like children."

Arthur laughed at Yao's expression. "Yes, I suppose that's true."

"Will you tell him, aru?"

"Maybe, Yao, maybe," Arthur said quietly.

Yao nodded in understanding. The two were an unlikely couple between their ages and their behavior, but they were also somewhat expected. Opposites did attract after all.

Vaguely in the distance, Arthur cold have sworn he heard the echoes of a song that he had heard Alfred sing but only a few lines stood out.

_Remember when your dreams have ended_

_Time can be transcended_

_Just remember me_

A/N: I'm going to go beat myself up for my inability to focus on the stories I'm supposed to. Don't mind the random chapters that will be coming out for whatever story I choose in the future as I have decided I no longer have a way of deciding for myself.


	4. Chapter 4

England: …America is she all right?

America: *pokes Anake14*

Anake 14: *smiling happily in a creepy way reminiscent of Russia*

America: *Shrug* I think she's just happy she got a flame for using National Anthem by a guest.

England *sigh* Why would that make her happy?

Anake14: It's my first flame! =D On a side note this chapter is only out because I couldn't sleep last night and had a lot of inspiration. Including a dream I may write out for use of another fanfic.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Sum: Cardverse AU Spades is a vast land known for its' fertile lands and abilities in magic. Arthur is due to be the Queen of Spades because he has the highest connection to nature magic in the lands. What no one knows is that Alfred has a bit of magic too.

Regrets

Chapter 4: Behind the Scenes

Unnoticed by anyone a third set of eyes watched the Spades King fall as the Clubs King left him on the battle field. A smirk crossed his face.

"It's all coming into place."

The eerie laughter echoed in the treetops but was no more than a whisper of wind to the dead soldiers on the field. As the figure translocated through the use of magic and made his way to the Kingdom of Diamonds he did not see the cloaked mage help the fallen King.

This man was a joker, one of the few in number who were unknown by the Royals and generally kept away from anything that could cause an upstart in the kingdom, but this was too good a ploy to pass up, of course stirring up trouble was always a bonus.

"Matthew Williams?" he asked, appearing in front of the blonde haired youth. He had his twin's features, but was paler and his hair was longer with a slight tint to it of orange.

The poor boy jumped and the joker withheld his laughter. The boy peered at him curious. "Yes?"

"Your lover is the king correct?"

The boy blushed brightly but nodded all the same.

"Good. As you can tell I'm a joker. I've come to tell you that your brother, Alfred F. Jones, King of Spades, has fallen in battle to the King of Clubs."

A look of shock crossed the boy's features. "Wh-what?"

The tears in Matthew's eyes only made the joker feel slightly guilty, so he offered, "I have a brother too and would want to know."

"Oh…I see," he whispered. "I need to tell Francis…" he turned and left the joker alone.

The joker smirked as he allowed his form to fade and he made his way home to the area he considered The Void, the home of the jokers who had no place in any of the suits. His fists clenched as he looked down at the ground. "Just a little longer and I'll be back to see you…and I'll take my revenge 'dearest' brother. Your betrayal will have a price."

*~Diamond's castle~*

"Francis!" Matthew called, trying to hold back his tears until he could tell his lover. "Francis!"

As Matthew burst through the doors of the throne room the Royals held looks of shock as Matthew had never interrupted them before. He had never raised his voice as he was now. Matthew ran straight to the King and collapsed in his arms as Francis pulled the boy to him.

"What is wrong, _mon cher_?" the king asked worriedly. He had never seen his boy this distraught.

Matthew swallowed trying to lessen the lump that had formed in his throat, the words that seemed to drown him and choke him all at once. "My…my brother…"

"You have a brother, _ma petite_?" Francis asked bewildered. How much more did he not know of his lover?

"He's m-my twin…A joker told me he was the King of Spades," Matthew said, tears falling as he tried not to sob in his despair, the heartbroken sobs that he refused to let escape as he clenched his fist over his heart. It hurt so badly. He had never got to talk to Alfred or see him after they had been forcibly separated by the suits. He had never learned anything about his brother other than what he could faintly remember.

"A twin?" Francis asked astonished, before recalling what Matthew said, "_Non_, never mind that. What do you mean _was_ the King of Spades? Nothing has happened to indicate otherwise."

"The war," Matthew swallowed. "The joker said he fell to the King of Clubs."

Francis held Matthew to him and kissed his forehead, indicating with a nod of his head that Vash should look into it and take the Queen to prepare their own troops, just in case the worst. "There is not much we can do. Spades is not an ally."

"I know…" Matthew sobbed into Francis' chest.

"_Mon cher_, I don't…" Francis started.

"He's gone Francis, it's like before when we were separated, but this time he's just gone and I'll never get to know about him. I'll never get to see him or wonder how he's doing, or worry about him because of his stupid, stupid hero complex that always got him into trouble because of his sense of justice. I'll never be annoyed at him or laugh with him or…or anything!" Matthew wailed as he finally let go of his sobs. "A-and, I don't know what to do! We'll never know if the other kept his promise or if it was broken or something!"

"Shh, hush my love. We'll go to Spades together. We'll talk to the queen, someone I know personally, and we'll see if it is true," Francis said.

"Okay…" Matthew whispered, as he rubbed his eyes on Francis' shoulder and yawned.

"Why don't we go rest? Today has been difficult for you," Francis commented as he lifted Matthew in his arms and led him to the bedroom. He couldn't imagine what Matthew felt but he was sure it would be similar to how he would feel were Arthur to die and he to hear of it.

Matthew silently thanked that his lover was so kind and would cater to him while he needed it most. He could feel himself drifting off and he wondered if when he woke this all would be nothing more than a dream.

A/N: I now have a villain behind everything! And to be honest the person I now have as the villain shocked me too…


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This was written late at night when I should have been doing my college work…I'm a bad multitasker that can't even stick to a schedule. At any rate, I listened to the song Before I Wake by I Fight Dragons the entire time I wrote this…which means I'm a sentimental idiot, but it suited the mood along with the two other things I was writing that were NOT my psychology assignment. Major fail on my part no?

Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Sum: Cardverse AU Spades is a vast land known for its' fertile lands and abilities in magic. Arthur is due to be the Queen of Spades because he has the highest connection to nature magic in the lands. What no one knows is that Alfred has a bit of magic too.

Chapter 5: The Pact

Alfred grimaced with the sip of tea. It was bitter, worse than drinking coffee black…well maybe not quite so bad, but still. From the corner of his eye he saw Lukas who looked to be trying to keep a blank face, but his eyes gave away his amusement. Alfred scowled at him and he held up his hand to placate his over-dramatic friend.

"Knock it off Lukas," Alfred said. "It's my job to be childish."

Lukas rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot. Matthias is the child."

"Oh, and I suppose that's why Emil still refuses to call you 'big brother' to your face and in front of others?" Alfred shot back.

"That's not my fault," Lukas glared at him.

"Yeah, sure," Alfred said, frowning at the pain he felt when he tried to sit up.

"Knock it off Al, you're not leaving any time soon," Lukas said, already knowing that the fool would try to leave and go right back to leading the troops. He'd probably get himself killed that way too.

"But I have to win the war so I can go back!" he whined.

"You won't get any sympathy from him Al, so quit while you're ahead," a voice said from the door causing Lukas to jump and whirl around.

"Don't do that!" Lukas berated as the tall man with spiked up hair stood there grinning at him.

"Heya Matthias! How're the troops holding up?" Alfred asked cheerfully.

Matthias gave the man a glare. "They'd be better, _Your Majesty_, if you'd have warned them before you pull stupid stunts! They all think you're dead!"

Alfred pouted. "It's not like I planned it," he sulked.

Matthias shook his head. "With how often you get into trouble they should expect it."

Lukas chuckled at the implied insult. "So where're Tino and Berwald?"

"Looking out for Emil," Matthias said with a shrug. "Tino's still working the med tent last I checked and Berwald has appointed himself his bodyguard. Can't have anyone stealing his 'wife' now can he?"

"You'd think Tino would have gotten over that by now," Alfred said, sharing a grin. "It's been years since Ber, started callin' him that. It's not likely to stop unless Tino does something like break the poor guy's heart."

Lukas shook his head but ignored them in favor of mumbling to himself in a way that reminded Alfred of Arthur. Leaving Lukas too himself, Matthias, who had learned years ago to leave him alone when he was in a 'mood' or upset, walked over to Alfred. "Ya look like shit, buddy."

Alfred gave him a look, but Matthias just kept talking, "This is almost like old times. Except we weren't in a war, none of us had a place, and we still had Lovino with us before he fell in love with that ditzy mercenary from Diamonds."

"We should have a reunion once this war is over," Alfred commented. "You, Tino and Berwald are soldiers under 'my' command; I'm thinking of making Lukas in charge of a mage school…you think I could pull off getting Love and Toni here? I'm sure Tony would appreciate a blast to the past once we're done with this damn war. Ivan's got some balls pullin' this shit."

"The King of Clubs has always been a bit…odd," Matthias said.

"You mean he's always been creepy and freakish," Alfred corrected.

"Well, that too," Matthias conceded. "My point is being in that kingdom probably screwed him up, unless you count the fact he was raised by that old general of theirs…"

Alfred frowned. "You mean that Frost guy?"

"Winter," Lukas corrected off-hand as he sat at a table blending an herbal remedy Alfred and Matthias did not care to know the name of. As long as he didn't start making potions around them, they were good. Even though Lukas was significantly better in mixing and making things than Arthur, which they learned he was terrible at when he had failed horribly with scones, they didn't want to get caught in the possible crossfire of a messed up spell or potion.

"So…you're saying Ivan might really be different and not want to conquer the kingdoms?" Alfred wondered.

"Now that you mention it…"Matthias trailed off. "Wasn't there some civil war in Clubs before Ivan took the crown?"

"I think so," Alfred said, his brows furrowed in thought. "So…if Ivan doesn't want to take over the Kingdoms…what does he want?"

"You're both morons," Lukas commented.

"Well, if you're so smart why don't you tell us?" Matthias shot back, a tad hurt by Lukas's comment, even though he knew he shouldn't be by now. Half the time he couldn't even tell if Lukas meant it anymore, and that stung because he really did love him.

Lukas gave them a look. Alfred deflated a bit, pouting. "Fine we'll think about it without your help."

"So…any idea how we're going to win this war from behind?" Matthias asked, changing the subject.

"What?"

Matthias clarified, "The soldiers think you are dead, you're a secret weapon now, like a Hero who can arrive at the last minute and save the day!"

"I had a thought…but it depends on if Lukas still recalls the pact," Alfred said carefully, making Lukas stop what he was doing and give him his full attention.

"I remember," Lukas said carefully. "What does that have to do with your plan to win?"

"Well, it's like this," Alfred began, "when you tried to teach us magic it didn't work right? Something about it being an inherent ability that only certain people possessed or whatever, so I was thinking, if Matthias, Berwald, and Tino scout out the ones who have potential and you train them to use their powers in the war, we could blindside the enemy and win without losing too many more lives while I heal from injury. I'll show up when we're about to win so that I can talk to Ivan and figure out exactly what's going on, since we're no longer sure of his motives."

Lukas looked at him calculatingly, before Matthias commented, "It's a good plan."

"It is," Lukas agreed. "The question is will the pact work in this situation."

"Are either of you going to explain that to me?"

"If you can't remember it's your own fault, idiot," Lukas said, going back to his task while Alfred shrugged and got comfortable. Alfred fell asleep to the light conversation of Lukas admonishing Matthias for whining childishly and taking after their 'idiot' King.

A/N: Yay, more plot! Sort of…meh, I'm currently avoiding Superbowl Sunday for American sport fans that like American football by typing to my homework assignments. Well, trying to. The inspiration for writing was too great. Whatcha think?


	6. Chapter 6

Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 6: Interlude 1: The Idiot Mercenary and Foulmouthed Mage

"ANTONIO! You idiota! What were you thinking! Chigi!" A sleder figured male with fair skin, dark brown hair and reddish-brown eyes in dark brown pants, a cream colored shirt, and an olive green cloak shouted at the taller, tan male with dark hair and green eyes who was carrying a huge axe.

Antonio rubbed the back of his head where his beloved had hit him. "Lo siento, mi querida, my Lovi, but he threatened you…"

"I don't give a damn about that you bastard! Of course he threatened me! It happens every damn time I go with your ass to do something!" the shorter male shouted. "And my name is Lovino! _Lovino!_ Say it with me, three syllables, Lo-Vi-No."

"But it's long…"

"For fuck's sake Antonio it's one syllable longer! One!"

"Si, si, mi Tesoro," Antonio said placating.

"Stop giving me names!"

"But Lovi~! You're special to me and I want people to know how special you are! Mi Angel, mi Tesoro, mi amor, mi amant, mi vida," Antonio continued, Lovino flushing brighter red with each one until he shouted "Chigi!" and covered Antonio's mouth with his hands and buried his face into the man's chest.

"D-don't say things like that you bastard!" his muffled voice said, but Antonio smiled as he felt his love press closer to him all warm and so cute~!

Tenderly, Antonio took his own hand and wrapped it around Lovino's wrists pulling his hands away and pressing his lips to each of Lovino's fingertips. It was an intimate act that had only happened a few times before and it left Lovino flushed in embarrassment and anger at the oblivious mercenary.

"K-knock it off Antonio," Lovino whined, but he was losing his will to fight and being drawn in by the other's complete adoration and devotion in his eyes.

"I love you, mi querida," Antonio whispered, moving one of his hands to caress Lovino's cheek, dragging his thumb down his nose and settling on his bottom lip, moving forward to capture his lover into a kiss.

A clearing of a throat interrupted them before the kiss could be heated, causing Lovino to blush and jump to hide behind his lover. "Sorry to interrupt, Love, Toni, but we need your help."

Lovino scowled. "The idiot bastard or you, magic bastard?"

"That could also be referring to you," Lukas said pointedly, his face blank and stoic despite what he just witnessed…well what his projection had witnessed but he was the one with the communication effort. "And it would be the idiot made king."

"Of course it would," Lovino sighed. "Hasn't that moron learned to keep himself out of trouble yet?"

"No," Lukas answered the rhetorical question.

"So what are we looking at?" queried Antonio, knowing he was bound to be included in the plan since Lovino went nowhere without him and vice versa.

"Lovino and I are going to be stuck with the hard job. We've got to train new mages in surprise attacks to catch the enemy off guard," Lukas said, making Lovino scoff. "You, Antonio, are going to be a distractions and help the soldiers take out members of the clubs army. It requires stealth."

Antonio grinned a bit blood thirsty. "Understood. How long till we're expected?"

"How fast can you get here?"

"Give us a few days at max speed and a day of rest. We'll be ready for operations," Lovino said.

Lukas smiled, his first real show of emotion since their conversation began "It hasn't been the same since you left, Love. Can't wait to have our first real get together in years."

"Yeah," Lovino responded, a small smile of his own. "It really isn't the same without all of you either. I've missed you guys, even if you are all troublesome bastards."

Lukas's lips quirked, holding back laughter. "Well I'm sure they say the same about you and your mouth. See you soon, Love."

As the projection faded out, Lovino shouted, "Oi, take that back you apathetic bastard! I'll fucking show you who's fucking troublesome!"

Before Lovino could continue his rant Antonio dragged him into his arms and held him close, kissing Lovino into submission. "I believe we were doing something before he showed up, _querida_, and this time, I don't plan to stop for interruptions."

Lovino's breath hitched and he swallowed thickly. Antonio would dominate him completely, take him and fuck him like an animal until they reached bliss, but he would be loving and caring the whole time, right here and now in the middle of the forest, where anyone could see. It was definitely a turn on and he definitely wanted it. Any thoughts of the others and the war they would be helping with would have to wait. For now, they were with each other and that was enough. It had to be enough, because there was always a possibility of losing each other especially in the middle of a war.

A/N: I've wanted to get these two in here. What do you guys think? Like? No? Happy Valentine's Day!


	7. Chapter 7

Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. Or the poem When We Two Parted by Lord Byron.

Chapter 7: Interlude 2: The Dramatic and Shy Lovers

Francis hated the waiting; the war that plagued Spades was cause to worry amongst the other kingdoms, especially his. While him and the Queen did not see eye to eye, he hated knowing that his lover's brother was dead and he never wished the loss of a loved one on Arthur, no matter their disagreements. That was not the main cause for his worry though. No, the main cause of his worry was his shy lover had become withdrawn with the news of his brother's death, which he was skeptical of since the information came from a joker. Joker's were not known for their generosity or honesty, they would never tell someone something unless it benefited themselves.

Anxiously, Francis knocked on Matthew's room door. "Go away."

"_Non, mon cher,_ you must let me in. You are suffering, I swore as your lover I would share in that when you needed me. We may be unable to marry but you mean the world to me and those vows may as well have been yours," Francis said, leaning against the door, his hand on the handle and his forehead pressed against the frame. "s'il vous plait, mon cher, open the door."

He heard a faint shuffling from within and the door unlocked and he stepped back just as Matthew opened the door a bit. Francis took in his lover's state with a solemn look. Matthew's eyes were red and puffy, he looked a bit peaky, bordering ill, and his whole body radiated a sadness that made Francis question whether or not he would ever receive a reaction as bad as this from Matthew if something happened to him, but he pushed aside the thought, because he did not want to know and hoped his lover would move past his death.

"How are you Matthieu? I have not seen you since you gave me the news of your…brother?" Francis asked carefully.

"My twin," Matthew corrected almost out of habit, but he realized it didn't matter anymore, because no one would ever recognize that he was Al's younger brother. Now he was alone.

"Why don't you tell me something about him?" Francis asked leading Matthew outdoors into the garden, away from the room he had shut himself away in. He was not eager to let his lover become a recluse once more and shut himself away.

"I know of a poem that hails from the land of Spades, it suits this quite well actually," Matthew admitted. "**When we two parted/ In silence and tears,/ Half broken-hearted/ To sever for years,/ Pale grew thy cheek and cold,/ Colder thy kiss;/ Truly that hour foretold/ Sorrow to this./ The dew of the morning /Sunk chill on my brow- /It felt like the warning/Of what I feel now./ Thy vows are all broken,/ And light is thy fame;/ I hear thy name spoken,/ And share in its shame./ They name thee before me,/ A knell to mine ear;/ A shudder comes o'er me- /Why wert thou so dear? /They know not I knew thee, / Who knew thee so well- /Long, long I shall rue thee, /Too deeply to tell./ In secret we met-/ In silence I grieve, / That thy heart could forget,/ Thy spirit deceive/ If I should meet thee /After long years, /How should I greet thee?- /With silence and tears**."

The intensity of Matthew's feelings felt like pins and needles in Francis's chest, his heart doused in ice, even though he knew it wasn't like that between the brothers; Matthew had always been extremely sensitive. Francis placed his hand over one of Matthew's as Matthew stared blankly across the beautiful landscape before them. There was no romance or love or joy, just unending sorrow that eclipsed him from his lover. "Matthieu, do not fret. I have already arranged for us to go visit the Spades Kingdom in a few days. We shall leave tomorrow and head out in search of the truth. It is important to know if one of the Monarchs is gone, it upsets the balance and so far there has been no word."

"I know Francis, but I cannot help but worry. My brother, he's reckless and can be an idiot and he's so oblivious unless he is passionate. When he's passionate his words are inspiring, beautiful and works of art, he's the type of person who could change the world just by talking about what he believes is right and just," Matthew said, his face growing brighter as he thought of his brother's fonder moments when they had still been together so many years ago in the land of Hearts. "He will die for what he believes is right, Francis, if he isn't already. He will fight to protect those people who made him king because they are his people and he will care for all of them, even if he doesn't know their name. He's so…different from you royals and he worries me as much as I can take pride in him or feel ashamed for him. There are some days I felt what he felt, receive glimpses of what he sees. He and I are twins bound by something else and I love him and hate him for it both."

"It will be alright, mon petite. You will see," Francis said, pulling Matthew close to him and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "You will see."

Matthew tilted his head and looked up at Francis. For the first time since he had heard of his brother's downfall to the king of Clubs, he smiled at Francis and leaned up to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, for listening Francis. Thank you for being here with me and letting me talk. Thank you for loving me."

Francis plucked a red rose from the bush nearest to them and placed it behind Matthew's ear. "I will always do whatever I can to please you, mon amour."

Matthew flushed red in pleasure and shivered from the chill wind, but he drew himself closer to his lover and leaned up to press his lips against his lover's. Their kiss did not remain chaste as it was not long before the two were kissing passionately, but Matthew's sense of modesty was still well preserved despite his lover's perverted tendencies. "If you want me love, we have to move."

Francis groaned a bit, but lead them back into the palace, his lips scarce leaving Matthew's as the two made their way back to his room, pressing intimately against walls and doors, until finally within the room and behind the closed doors of his bedroom Matthew allowed Francis to undress him.

"You are beautiful, mon amour," Francis murmured into Matthew's ear. "I will show you that you are in every way."

"Ah, Francis…don't stop," Matthew moaned out as Francis ground their erections against each other, only moving to grab some oil from the bedside so he could prepare his lover properly.

"I will not hurt you Matthew," Francis whispered to his lover. "As long as I live I swear I will always love you."

"I know…Francis," Matthew panted, writhing against the sheets of his bed. "I…know…and I love you…I've always, trusted you."

Francis pumped his fingers in and out of his lover, preparing him for the main moment of pleasure. "I'm glad for that, because I could not live without you anymore Matthieu. You are my sun, my sky, my love, my heart, and the best part of me. You are my everything and more."

"Francis…I can't wait any more…I need you, please," Matthew begged.

Francis smirked as his kissed his way up Matthew's body, whispering, "Of course," and claiming his lips as he thrust into Matthew's body. The two moved in sync with each other and all they felt was love and joy, reveling in each other's body as though they were having sex with each other for the first time. They broke apart for air, but never strayed for long, until they finally reached climax together. Wrapping their limbs around each other and unwilling to move, they fell into a contented sleep.

A/N: So…for those of you who wondered about the M rating? This is why. There will be future lemons and probably more violent and bloody battles until I get out of the warzone and back to the USUK drama. This was actually unplanned, but I figured it's Valentine's Day, so here's part two of my Valentine's gift to you guys. *whistles innocently*


	8. Chapter 8

Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 8: Diamonds and Spades Relations (Or Lack Thereof)

Travelling to Spades from Diamonds seemed to take much longer as Matthew watched the passing scenery, his chin cupped in his hand as he stared out the carriage window while his lover stroked his hair. There was no comfort or familiarity to him in this land. He and his brother had been born in the borderlands of Hearts and Diamonds, but Matthew had been relieved when his mark had put him in the Diamonds kingdom and more than a little remorseful that his brother was to be in a separate kingdom, even if Spades was relatively closer than Hearts from the Diamonds capital.

The forest that surrounded Spades was thicker than the other borderlands and he could understand why it deterred armies. It was disturbing and a chill was held in the air as though people were unwelcome in it and Matthew didn't hesitate to believe the stories about ghosts and faeries. If there was anywhere in the world those things could come to life it would be in this particular forest and he knew his brother must have had a field day exploring and playing hero.

As the forest waned and gave way to civilization he could see the people staring at the carriage of Diamonds royalty. It was not often Spades received visitors from other countries, even less so visitors from Diamonds let alone the royalty. Francis held Matthew's hand in his. "Are you alright?"

"Not yet," Matthew said. "I will be, but not yet."

"I understand," Francis said, but in Matthew's mind he couldn't help but think '_No you don't_.' He had made many promises with his brother and now it has come to this, it has come to this sudden end and not one of those promises mattered. His brother had been a good man despite his faults just as Matthew had his own worth despite the consistent manner in which people forgot him. His brother could be hurtful when he would joke about not knowing Matthew's name, but often times Matthew knew he paid him back in full and sometimes more when he would rant about his brother's faults. He often found himself wondering if that made him the cruel one, because Alfred had never said anything negative about him and was often offended and protective of him.

In a way Matthew felt guilty that his brother was dead and he wasn't, because he had been the one who really made the choice. He had _wanted_ to be separate from his brother, to find somewhere he could belong and not be mistaken, to fit in somewhere and call it his own, but now, now he couldn't help the thought that maybe if he had been there he could have saved his brother. If they had lived in the same area he would be part of this war too and he could have been the one to die in his brother's place…but then he would have never met Francis. He'd have never fallen in love and he'd still feel like a shadow, second to his brother…inferior.

As the castle came into view he could see a procession of people awaiting their arrival. Matthew took a deep breath as the carriage came to a halt before the stairway and someone opened the door. Francis stepped out first; he knew his lover would be nervous meeting people who would assume he was his brother.

"Arthur, mon ami, it 'as been too long," Francis greeted. Matthew hid a smile as he saw the other man scowl at Francis's greeting even as the Diamond's king swept him into a hug the man tried to pry himself out.

"I'm not your friend you bloody frog! Release me at once!" Arthur was shouting. "Have at you then! We'll duel and settle this like men later!"

"But mon ami, you are the queen," Francis joked.

Arthur blushed furiously as he attempted to hit Francis for implying he was a woman, but his eyes fell on the second young man and he felt tears prick his eyes.

Matthew finally stepped out and caused the people who were talking to fall silent, even the Jack who had been in conversation with a guard was staring at him in shock, but it was the Queen's reaction that startled him most, he could see the beginnings of tears forming and found himself pulled into a hug as the other man kept muttering apologies into his chest.

Arthur did not hesitate to hug the other man. His words were incomprehensible until he pulled himself away. "How is it that you are here with _the frog_ of all people Alfred? Aren't you meant to be on the front lines?"

"Mon cher," Francis said sympathetically as he heard Matthew make a sound between a sob and laugh in the back of his throat and put a hand on Arthur's shoulder, pulling him off his lover, "This is not your Alfred. This is Matthew."

"Matthew?" Arthur asked puzzled.

"I-I'm not Al…I'm his twin brother," Matthew said almost apologetically.

"O-oh," Arthur stuttered, as the other two watched the light in his eyes die they knew this would not be an easy conversation, but Arthur's saddened stance was taken into account by the Jack who immediately dismissed those who were not needed so they could have a private conversation.

"Perhaps it is time for tea, aru," Yao said softly, leading Arthur to his study while the other two followed closely so as to not get lost in the castle.

"Yes, thank you Yao, perhaps you could have them send up something to snack on as well?" Arthur said with a glance at the two before him. "This could be a while."

"Of course, aru," he said, bowing politely as he excused himself. As the closing of the doors echoed in the room he stared at the other two unnervingly.

"Why are you here Francis? Honestly. We haven't seen each other in many years, this is a most inopportune time," Arthur sighed, he stared blankly at a picture of Alfred and himself when Alfred had coaxed him out to the streets of their kingdom and shown him the advancements their people were making.

"Whether you like it or not I am your friend Arthur, I care for you," Francis said softly. Matthew moved closer to Francis. "We came because a joker informed my lover of your king's passing and I came to offer my condolences and sympathies. If it were Matthew I know I would grieve horribly."

"It is not public news, Alfred's death. His presence gives the soldiers drive and the messenger informed me the field where he died was already abandoned save the two kings, so as long as they think he is alive they will fight," Arthur said despondently. Truthfully he didn't want to talk about it. He had lost the man he loved before he had even had a chance to confess and the very thought filled him with regret.

"I knew you would do something like that, but you cannot grieve alone," Francis murmured as he drew his lover closer.

"I…I apologize, for mistaking you for Alfred earlier, I just…I hoped…" but Arthur could not finish the words because he hated that he was clinging to such a fragile hope. Once he saw the end of this war he wanted to make a proper burial site for all the victims of the war and a memorial for the King that had so much potential.

"I understand," Matthew responded his voice far too soft to be Alfred's whose was always filled with energy, life. "I would have thought the same. How close were you to my brother?"

"Not very," Arthur admitted ashamedly. "We fought a lot and got on each other's nerves probably more than was healthy…we both assumed we hated one another, and I thought the marriage false, I hadn't believed he could love someone like me. I never confessed, but he left me a letter confessing his love."

Matthew nodded in understanding. "The day we were separated by the suits, he left me only a letter, he said it would be too painful to say goodbye in person. He stopped writing a while ago so I assumed Freedom had died."

"Who was Freedom?"

"His eagle. I have Kumakichi, my bear, and Maple, my cat," Matthew said, "but he had Freedom, Fluffy, and Lops."

"Fluffy?" Francis queried, while Arthur had raised an eyebrow at the absurdity of the names. "Lops?"

Matthew giggled softly at his brother's animal affinity. "He always attracted animals, he loved them like he loved people, respected them and in turn they respected him. Fluffy was a bunny that would leave him sometimes, it was white and had a bit of grey or black on the tips of the ears, but Lops was a cat…it kind of reminds me of Arthur actually…did he ever try to pet your eyebrows?"

Arthur grunted at the comparison of the cat and scowled at the reminder of Alfred's absurd and childish behavior that on occasion could be adorable and endearing. Not that he would ever admit it aloud. "Yes he did, but he never managed to touch me. Care to share?"

Matthew outright laughed at his brother's antics. "Lops was a Scottish Fold kitten when he brought him home, cat now but he ran off to be with another cat that Al named Scruff, but he had eyebrows like Arthur's and Al used to pet him and Lops would purr."

Well that explained part of Alfred's letter in comparing him to a cat. Francis outright laughed at the comparison, but Arthur threw a glare at him and he stopped.

Before Arthur could speak again a knock interrupted them. Arthur cleared his throat in order to stop himself from saying what he had intended and said, "Come in."

A servant opened the door and Yao walked in with a tray of tea cups and some crumpets, scones, and jam. "I brought some snacks, aru. Who knows how long you'll be talking but personally, it is good to see you lively my queen. You have not been thus in long time, aru."

Arthur softened at his friend's words, no matter that they would never admit that to the other as it was a rather reluctant friendship that had started out rough. "I'm sorry to have worried you. Please tell the council that we will not be meeting tonight and will instead be meeting tomorrow afternoon between two and four."

"As you wish, aru," the Jack bowed and left the room, leaving a tense silence.

Matthew looked at Arthur questioningly, but it was Francis's stare that felt like a weight settling over him. Francis of course was also the first to break the silence. "We really should sit down, I think. This conversation will most likely take a while, and there is a story to be told that is likely to be long."

"For once, frog, it would see we are in agreement. Sit and let us talk," Arthur gestured to the chairs by his desk as he took his place behind it and looked forlornly at the stack of paperwork. "So…where to begin?"

"Perhaps the beginning would be best," Matthew said as he relaxed in their presence. This was different to being around strangers. This was his lover and his lover's friend who happened to be married and in love with his brother.

"As you say, _mon amour_, but where would that be?"

Matthew smiled a bit. "In a little piece of land on the border of Diamonds and Hearts, I'm sure Al would never mention it, but we were born there and raised there after our mother's passing. After our father's death we tried to stay together, but as fate would have it we were soon to be separated by the suits. Al left, only a note to tell me he would walk the forest routes and not to worry for he had a guide, at the time I had no idea he'd gone and made friends with some…abnormal people."

Arthur sat up straight. "Abnormal in what way?"

"They could do things others couldn't," Matthew commented evasively. "Al didn't care of course. When he first went to Spades things were tough, he ended up in a bad crowd, almost died. He met a savior and then he became one to other orphans in the area, they went to the woods and built a home for themselves in the outlands."

"Why the bloody hell would anyone go to the outlands?" Arthur practically shouted in his shock.

Francis tried to keep his composure but his mouth had parted and his eyes widened a fraction enough to show his own immediate thoughts of what Matthew was admitting about Alfred. Matthew carried on. "There is no place for those who do not fit in, he said to me in a letter, so why not make a place somewhere just for them where others don't. He had a strange logic, but Al has always been different and he's better for it. Alfred…he was full of promise, life, and change."

Those were words no one could dispute. "It was around then I lost contact with him, but I can also assume that was around the time he found out he would become king. That is the only part to the story I know up until I received words from a Joker of my brother's fall to the King of Clubs."

"I guess it's my turn then," Arthur muttered. "I grew up a noble; my family was fairly high up in the numbers and lived in some of the better districts. Admittedly I met Francis when I was young, the bloody frog was making fun of me at the time which is why I generally do not stray to Diamonds and avoid the royalty at any events."

Matthew glared at his lover disapprovingly. Francis shrugged unapologetically. "Arthur gave worse in return for what he got."

Arthur smirked. "Damn right I did frog, you'd best remember that. Anyway, met Francis, hated him, and spent a good amount of my teenage years rebelling against my parents and wishing to find some way out of that type of life. I wanted adventure, to go sailing or travel as far as I could. It was not to be. By the time I was ready to make that move the Triumvate had already been chosen and I was marked for Queen. It hurt, my dreams were very much shattered, but I now had a responsibility and could no longer continue behaving like a spoiled child. I changed for the sake of the country, but meeting Alfred was very much like a kick in the face, because he was so…charismatic, different, and energetic, he didn't seem like the other kings and there are legends surrounding our royalty that I was hesitant to believe. Alfred had been the type of person I imagined would be a hero and take me away from the life I had, so marrying him was surreal and I resented that, but I grew to love him anyway."

Arthur looked reminiscent, blissful in his recollection, how much it must have stung that his love was dead. "Alfred…he was childish, stubborn, he fought with me on everything, and I honestly thought he hated me. While I resented him, taunted him, and teased him he would return them. We always fought, but I always felt that there was something there, something more, but I refused to believe he could ever love someone like me. So I didn't say anything. I saw him off to war with a traditional kiss and let him go, if I had known it would end, if I had known his feelings, I doubt I would have."

Arthur's expression was downcast, lost, he truly did not know what he would do now without Alfred in his life, he had gotten used to him, Alfred had been his constant and his sudden death and departure from Arthur's life left him lacking. Francis wanted to reassure Arthur, as a friend, but he had long lost his right to do so.

"Al wouldn't want you to torture yourself," Matthew said sympathetically. "He'd want you to be happy."

"He said as much in the letter, but how can you be so sure? You said you haven't spoken with him in a long time right?" Arthur asked curiously.

Matthew blushed a bit, but revealing the truth would be a bit better than keeping it to himself, "Al and I have always had a sense of the other's feelings, it's sort of one of those twin telepathy things no one puts much stock in. In fact, that's part of the reason I think he left without saying goodbye to me and only making promises in return for each other. See, he's always over-shadowed me and somewhere I think I may have resented him for it. He stuck up for me and protected me sure, but sometimes it was his fault to begin with and it made me feel like I was never good enough, deep down I sort of wished we would be separated, and it was painful and selfish, but I think Al went with it for my sake. One of our promises to each other was to find happiness and cherish it as our parents had."

"If you can sense each other why is it that you did not know he was dead immediately?" Arthur queried. According to what he knew of magical links and bonds, even a bond between twins is strong enough to overpower distance and leaves in its wake a constant sense of togetherness and shared emotions.

Matthew shook his head a bit. "Al had a bit more talent than I did with figuring out the bond. He's better at blocking me, so even if he were not dead I would be unable to tell because he covers the bond so well that it seems that we are completely separate entities and not part of each other."

Arthur contemplated this as the other two took his silence to mean the conversation was over, sipping a bit of tea, though Francis refused to take any of the snacks the jack had brought insisting that Spadian food was bland and rather tasteless more often than not.

"Of course!" Arthur snapped, as he remembered Alfred's studies and hobbies. Constant meditation and manipulation of energy enables any user even of the lowest magical capabilities a semblance of control over their mental constructs.

"What is it?" Matthew asked nervously.

"Nothing important, I just realized why he was probably able to have that level of control and not you. While you are the more sensible twin you lack access to the knowledge that Al has taken advantage of," Arthur stated. "At any rate, other than this rather enlightening discussion and baring of our feelings, why are you here, Francis?"

"Why, I came to spread _l'amour_ of course," Francis laughed while Arthur's eye twitched and Matthew sighed with irritation. Trust Francis to absolutely destroy any progress in camaraderie made with a simple sentence.

"Leave at once you filthy frog!"

"Non! I 'ave just arrived!"

"This is my kingdom!"

"You are our neighbor! Be generous for once, _mon ami_, it might give you some luck since it appears your temper and eyebrows 'ave only gotten worse over the years!"

"I'm not your friend! If you've just come to mock me I would suggest your immediate departure!"

"I'm not here to mock you!"

"It certainly seems like it you bloody frog!"

"You started it _sourcils_! I came to discuss an alliance!"

"I don't want an alliance with you!"

"Like you can prevent it! If you fall to Clubs we are next! The least we can do is help you keep your borders!"

Arthur stared at him. "You actually made a good point…"

"How dare you insinuate my ideas are pointless!" Francis snarled insulted.

"They usually are," Arthur said. From off to the side where he felt slightly forgotten, Matthew smiled a bit watching his lover and his 'friend' trying to halt the rising feelings of jealousy. He felt like he was intruding, that he was watching something he shouldn't be and he got the feeling that at one point they had been more than friends. He slipped away without either's notice and left to find a trace of his brother in this huge castle, knowing Al he probably had at least two secret rooms for the things he had taken interest in, but Matthew particularly wanted to find one that would lead to a tower, because he knew his brother had always loved the stars and if he truly was gone, he'd probably be watching him from out there somewhere.

A/N: I may or may not be supposed to be working on college assignments, but hey, over 3000 words in a single sitting for just this, I think I did pretty good! I'm trying to keep my promise to make chapters I add to stories longer. Meh…sleepy.


	9. Chapter 9

Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 9: Reinforcements and Friendships

*With Alfred somewhere in the Outlands*

Alfred officially hated being injured and having Lukas for a caretaker. He was too hyper and energetic for this to work at all and not to mention he really, _really_ wanted to get out of bed. Cautiously he looked around and saw no one. Sighing in relief he pushed himself up and sat there feeling a bit dizzy before moving the blankets and letting his legs hang off the edge of the bed, looking around again before placing a foot on the floor.

"Alfred get back in that bed and lay down!" he heard Lukas shout. He cringed and grudgingly moved his legs back under the blankets but he leaned himself against the headboard of the bed. How the hell did Lukas always know?

Lukas walked into the room with another cup of the horrid _tea_ that was supposed to be his medicine…which in retrospect tasted better than the medicines the doctors prescribed. He looked at Alfred passively. "Why can't you stay still? You're almost healed and the last thing you need is to have lasting damage when you go back to your beloved Queen. You already have scars…"

Alfred hung his head. He was just so impatient and he really wanted to hurry and end the war. He wanted to go back to his queen and find out his response to the message he left. That thought gave him pause. Did he really want to know? He was supposed to have died from Ivan's blade, but Lukas had changed his fate in a way only someone with Magic could by making the future unpredictable even to his gift of foresight. He had thought that he could die knowing he had told Arthur his feelings and if he had felt anything himself he would be able to move on. Alfred loved Arthur enough that he'd even give his blessings for Arthur to find and take a lover he could be happy with if he really did survive the war, but so far it looked to only be a delay in the inevitable if Matthias' reports of the battlefield were anything to go by.

Alfred drank the tea without much thought to the taste; he was too lost in the idea of what would happen if the war continued in the direction it strongly looked to be taking. The political reasons for the war involved economic crisis and suspected failure of crops causing a need for fertile land, but there was something off with that as Spadian/Clubite relations while not the best were nowhere near bad enough for war which led to the thought that the war has a separate cause and Lukas had already confirmed as much in so many words…or lack thereof.

If Alfred died there was no guarantee that Arthur would survive long enough to find the happiness Al wanted for him. Their situation was bad and quite frankly strategy had never been much of his strong point. He was more of a hit hard and fast while taking as many as possible rather than a plan it out, cut losses, regroup, and act again type of guy. They were going to be desperate unless something happened to turn the tides of the war, they needed more allies to reinforce the troops they already had, the paltry few being taught in the arts of magic were hardly enough. Sure there would be surprise in their favor, but they needed more than just a surprise, they needed a quick way to end the war without causing more loss.

"Kesesese, you suck at keeping out of trouble dummkoff," Alfred heard from the side, apparently he had been so distracted he had not seen Lukas leave after his little 'lecture' that was becoming all too common, but really, he had to try. If he stayed in bed much longer his skills would diminish and he would have to retrain his body from the beginning, which he did not look forward to if it were the case.

"Hello, Gil," Alfred sighed. Really, he got along awesomely with Gil because he made up the missing link in his and Matthias' trouble making trio, which ended up being dubbed the awesome trio because really everything they did was totally awesome and worth it.

"You're boring when you're like this," Gilbert practically whined, but he would deny it. He was way too awesome to do something as unawesome as whining or pouting.

"Yes, well it happens from time to time," Alfred said genially, really he wasn't in the mood to deal with a Joker, Jokers meant bad news or something NOT GOOD with a side of EVIL was heading their way. "So any particular reason you're dropping in? As awesome as it is to see you, the middle of a war is _not_the best time for us to catch up."

"Actually the war is why I'm here," Gilbert responded seriously, making Alfred open his eyes and straighten up.

"Something has come up and it's the reason I can't get a clear read isn't it?" Alfred frowned wearily. There was only so much someone could handle in war. He and his people were only human, but Gilbert showing up meant the war was on a level above what the people were capable of, it meant their existence could possibly be threatened and even Clubs would not be safe from the ultimate backlash of things to follow.

Gilbert nodded his agreement to the sentiment. It also meant that things were majorly fucked up and that they would have to work harder to employ a strategy to get around the limiter. Honestly Alfred was a good friend, someone who deserved every bit of happiness he should be getting with his Queen at this point, the way it had originally been planned out by the first Aces who saw fit to govern the lands on which the civilization now rested, a civilization that would crumble if the interference messed with what should happen any further than it has. "This war is not of natural causes as I'm sure you and a few of the others have noticed. There's a manipulator, but I haven't been able to find out whom, which means it's likely to be either an unknown or another Joker. Normally we don't interfere, we have to keep things as they are meant to be with only minimal additions of trouble or help in times of crisis, and this is one major collateral crisis if it continues."

"So what does that mean? For us and the war, I mean."

"It means I get to come out and play by bringing in the allies and reinforcements you need," Gilbert grinned deviously. "Tell me, what do you know of your husband's brothers?"

*Spades Castle*

Over the short time that Francis and Matthew had shown up, Arthur had spent most of his time playing acting dignitary in place of Alfred, he spent most of his time trying to write out documents that would handle the taxes so that paying for the war was not difficult on the people, the China province was supplying most of the items needed for the war, America province was doing most of the farming, and England's province was helping both, trying to do their own part for the war effort, but they were all far better sailors and were trying to create a Naval force good enough to be sent as a surprise attack from behind.

The more time Arthur spent with Francis and Matthew the more he saw what his and Al's relationship should have been like, the more the ache in his chest grew because he would never see the sides of Alfred that Matthew told him about. He would never understand Alfred's bizarre sense of justice or why he took to the world with the utmost naïveté, he would never see what Alfred did when he looked at the stars or understand his unwavering faith in humanity, most of all, Arthur would never see what Alfred looked like when looking at him with the same eyes that Francis and Matthew seemed to have for each other of happiness, devotion, and love. His heart would never be content, because he felt so lost without Alfred, as lost as he felt with him.

"Do you know what you are going to do when the war is over?" Matthew asked, taking a seat next to Arthur who was sitting outside on a bench on the balcony that overlooked the kingdom he and Alfred had both sworn to protect.

"No, I don't," Arthur said lightly, his eyes were dim. He had no idea what he would do, without Alfred nothing really felt right. He could finally live out his dream and go sailing since a new king would have to be crowned and a new queen. He could find the love who would steal him away from the world as he once wished to be spirited away from. He could do so much, but it all seemed pointless without the one person he honestly thought would be the one to do it. So pointless without the one he truly loved and adored with all his cold heart could manage, the only person to break past his barriers and actually affect him in such a manner.

Matthew stared at Arthur, this was the man his brother married and knowing Alfred the man he undoubtedly, whole-heartedly, loved and adored above all others. Alfred had told him once that once he had someone he would go to the ends of the earth just to be with them, would love them and cherish them as their parents had cherished each other. Alfred had said there would only be one person for him in this lifetime and any other, that he'd know the person when he saw them and Matthew could not doubt the honesty of those words, because Alfred was always honest and such a terrible liar unless he needed that skill to cover up something he thought would be hurtful to someone else.

"He loved you enough to free you," Matthew said, looking out over the kingdom that his brother called home. "He wants your happiness. You're never as lost as you think you are until you try to find yourself you know."

"I've never thought of it like that," Arthur murmured.

Matthew shrugged. "It's something Al told me. He said he's have never found himself without some help, but if he got lost looking for the one he loved and finding them he wouldn't mind being lost as long as he could stay with that person forever. Said to find yourself you've got to lose yourself first even if you think you already know who you are."

"Such profound wisdom…to think it came from the mouth of an overgrown child," Arthur said, his lips turned up in a smile, the first in months, but no one but Matthew was there to witness it.

Matthew chuckled at Arthur's words. "Alfred's complicated. He's a child at heart, but he can be mature when he needs to. He does things that make no sense until it actually has a purpose. Like the time we were still kids. He set up traps around the area surrounding our home saying something was wrong but he didn't know what it was because it hadn't happened yet. Turns out there were some bandits, they were going to kills us to take our home, but we got saved by some travelling mercenary who was out teaching his son. Alfred's traps caught a good number though."

"He does seem to always know things before they happen, it's like he expects it and feels he has to remain calm in the face of danger," Arthur muttered, his mind working to try to figure out why Alfred had such a contradicting personality. Countermeasures, ideas, plans, weapons, all had been developing rapidly recently based on Alfred's own designs, some things he had never seen nor heard of and it gave Arthur the chills. What could Alfred be hiding that he would not even tell Arthur? If he thought about it the previous queens had similar experiences. Did their kings just not trust them enough?

Matthew stared out at the horizon, the sun was going down now, a gleaming light, it had been his and his brothers' favorite time of day just to watch where the Aurora would touch the earth at the top of the mountain near their old home. They had felt a connection with it, with the spirits, and Matthew had always assumed they'd had a bit of magic, but Alfred was always unpredictable and it made it hard to tell if he had magic or if he had some other 'gift' given to him. Alfred was a people's person, their hero in times of need and Matthew knew that the kingdoms needed him now more than ever.

"Wind beneath your wings, brother of freedom, let your spirit guide the lost for we need you now more than ever," Matthew whispered on the wind. In the home of their parents, Matthew and Alfred had learned to read the books left by their parents, the reason for their connection and understanding, their love and acceptance of magic, but by far the most important knowledge imparted to them was that of the old ways, the ways of spirits, guardians, and elemental magic, the healings, the rituals, and the knowledge that words were power and never to say something they didn't mean to bind to themselves.

"What was that?" queried Arthur, his interest piqued by the unfamiliar words and the sentiment he barely understood.

Matthew closed his eyes and leaned backwards, letting the bench support him. "Alfred and I, we're not just some orphans who lived on our own for a few years before we were separated nor was our parents' passing a mere coincidence. There is a plot lingering that we do not understand and now without Alfred it is being left to unravel. From what our parents _did_ leave us because the rarity of twins in general, they found history books, old information thought to have passed from the hands of us long ago in confidential areas and secured it. Al and I spent a lot of time learning from our parents, when they passed they imparted the knowledge of where to find the information we would need and that we would have to continue on our own. We believe that all who exist _now_ as the Triumvate and other honored Numbers were once together in another life and we are being left to let an uncertain future play out. Alfred said the soul never changes. The person's looks might change, but all the way down to the core of their hearts they are going to be the same as who they were previously. He believed if he could recreate the Deck Council and call everyone he believes were together in the past life we might be able to figure out what is occurring, at least according to the journal he left."

"He…has a journal?" Arthur asked incredulously. Alfred hated reading and sitting still, why would he have kept something like a journal?

Matthew couldn't help the lighthearted laughter that came from him when he heard Arthur's incredulous tone regarding his brother's journal. It was almost a painful reminder of his own first reaction to anything Alfred did that seemed so…un-Alfred like. "He kept a journal. He always mentions something he thinks of importance or if he thinks he'll forget something that might be important, he'd write it down. He used to say it kept him sane. Some of his entries are about you, but I don't think it'd be right to show them to you yet, not until we have a body to mourn over at least."

Arthur's next words died in his throat when he heard Matthew's words. A body…would they even have one? All those people lost on the battlefield, some killed in explosions, other bodies turned to ash by fire, would they even get to see Alfred, their fallen hero's body, one last time to say their own goodbyes to the man who gave people such hope?

They stayed together in silence until Francis came to retrieve his lover, saying he missed his presence and wanted to be around him a bit more since they had hardly seen each other since the day of their arrival in Spades. Arthur merely gave them a half-hearted wave of his hand as he stared out at the lit up homes of the kingdom he called home. Alfred had been right about the injustice of the world, he had been right about it taking away the good things in life. It made Arthur wonder just what it was Alfred saw that gave him hope for the future and if he ever contemplated _their_ future. What would life had been like if they'd been different? If Alfred had caught on to his feelings, if he hadn't been so stubborn, if either of them had confessed sooner…but there wasn't a point in thinking about the what ifs. There wasn't a point in thinking of what could have been or the regrets they quite possibly shared.

With the war Arthur was uncertain of how to help his people, there was only so much power he had as queen and while people continued to think the king alive there was little he himself could do to help on the battlefield. He sighed wearily, rubbing his forehead with the tips of his fingers. He had no choice but to seek out reinforcements and commence with the alliance to Diamonds. The first alliance with the rival kingdom in nearly a millennia since the Deck Council had split for a reason lost to the tomes of time written somewhere obscure that would likely never see the light of day again.

Arthur was in a dangerous position and from what Matthew had said it seemed Alfred was the key to whatever the answers were. Arthur sighed as he thought of possible magic he could use to help his people. Magic wasn't meant to be used for selfish purposes and while he was mostly planning to use it for the good of his people, he couldn't help but feel that it would be selfish anyway. There was nothing that he knew of that could be used to get them out of the situation that had escalated from nothing and gotten too far out of hand too quickly.

He paused as he thought about what Matthew had said about Alfred's journal mentioning reincarnations of the Deck Council of old. If the Deck Council could be recreated it would eliminate the need for a monarchy in any of the kingdoms and would unite the people rather than their current caste system and its lack of checks and balances. It would free the monarchs from their marriages that initially would have never had a place to begin with and every sector of civilians from each kingdom would be represented equally. Alfred's plans had some ingenuity to them, the only problem was if they were the reincarnations of the Deck Council that disbanded how would they work together to ensure it would never disband again?

Arthur sighed, but had a fond smile on his face as he thought, Even in death you confound me Alfred. Maybe it wasn't a perfect plan, maybe it wasn't what the original Aces had planned, but it was all he had to go by and if it was Alfred's wish, well he'd take it upon himself to fulfill it.

A/N: This was more to establish and hint at me pulling in future things and tying them together through some obscure past. I need some opinions on some things I'm considering though. I figure Lovino was originally from Hearts where his brother is now the Jack, but is with Antonio who was originally from Diamonds and is a mercenary, right peoples? So I'm thinking since I'm bringing Artie's brothers into this, should I bring in Spain's brother Portugal? If so what suit? I'm thinking of Turkey being either a rival mercenary or another mage. I'm not sure about his suit either. For the most part I'd really like some opinions on this as I have a number of ideas as to where this could go.


	10. Chapter 10

Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 10: At Worst

*With Alfred somewhere in the Outlands*

The discussion with Gilbert hadn't lasted nearly as long as Alfred had thought it would, but the way Gilbert had explained the Joker Kingdoms intervention was more than enough to put him on edge. The Jokers were neutral. The only reason he knew there were more than two jokers that spoke to the kingdoms was because he had actually travelled through their lands and caught glimpses _once_ and that was one experience he didn't care to repeat, thank you very much. It wasn't often Jokers took the world's politics into their own consideration, only something that threatened the very balance of their reality could cause that.

_Flashback_

_Alfred's jaw dropped. "His brothers? Seriously? Gil, I know being a joker has made you slightly walk on the edge of sanity, but there is a fine line here I think I'm missing."_

_Gilbert shrugged. "They're important pieces. Gather all the pieces and you win without knowing who the enemy is, you stop this problem temporarily. You have to draw out the enemy by putting all the pieces in the same place."_

_Alfred sighed as he leaned back against the pillows rubbing his forehead. "And how do his brothers fit into this completely insane, I can't believe I'm about to go through with it, plan?"_

_Gilbert smirked. "Telling would be cheating, Al, so that's confidential."_

_Without another word he vanished. Leaving behind Alfred to curse and sigh in defeat. Why did he even bother? Jokers never made sense anyway._

_Flashback End_

"Alfred?" Lukas asked, calling him out of his daze. "You keep going off in your mind. I'm pretty sure that's dangerous and unfamiliar territory."

Al managed a week smile at his friend's joke. "It's not that bad. Just thinking about what we're going to have to do to get through the war."

"That's not all you're thinking about," Lukas said, taking a seat next to Alfred's bed. While normally Lukas wasn't one to talk, he was very good at listening; he was willing to listen to whatever problems the king had that plagued him.

"You know me too well," Alfred said, his gaze shifting slightly to look out the window in the direction he knew held Spade's castle. "I feel bad, because by now Arthur and the others probably think I'm dead, but since we can't risk the enemy knowing I'm alive…how will he handle it? I left him a note to tell him I love him because I'm not sure of the outcome and even less so now the jokers are involved. I don't know if he returns my feelings or how any of this is affecting him. I'm worried he won't want me and if he does he'll be furious at me for this plan. There are so many things that can go wrong and it…"

"It's scary," Lukas finished. Alfred had problems he and the others would never have. Alfred had to marry someone he knew virtually nothing about. He had had to learn to lead a kingdom and accept all the gifts that came with being who he was and while he loved the man he married he couldn't say the same in certainty. It was a lot for someone so young, someone as kind and generous as Alfred, and for as benevolent as Alfred was, Lukas couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "No one is certain of the future Al. You…you've always been special. Different, unique, a number of words, but you've always taken opportunities and gone with them. Whether they are the right choices for yourself you've never cared and I'm glad you do this time, because you deserve happiness. Our little group of orphan outcasts, this land in the wilds where no one dares go, you made a place for us and helped us figure it out. Now it's time for you to think of what's best not just for you but your kingdom and you still put them first. This kingdom will survive as it always has, but not if the spirit of the king who is the pillar of it's strength crumbles. I cannot tell you to do what is best for yourself, because we both know you will choose to do what is _right_."

Alfred's lips quirked up into a far more genuine smile. "Thanks, Lukas."

"No problem," he said before hitting Alfred on the head.

"Ow! What was that for?" Al asked, rubbing the spot but not really angry.

"For making me worry about you, when you were just being an idiot and making things complicated," Lukas huffed. "Capture the king, call diplomacy and integrate international political affairs to set up a new treaty, and then worry about Arthur. I'm sure he will understand. This war is more important than something between lovers."

Alfred couldn't really say anything. He was right of course, but Arthur…Arthur was the one he was fighting for, Arthur was the one who _mattered_ most to him, and he didn't even know if Arthur wanted him. By the Goddess did that thought hurt, because what if Arthur didn't? If he did how would he feel all this time while Alfred has to continue being 'dead'? It wasn't fair to either of them. He sighed. Lukas was right of course. They are rulers of a kingdom. Everyone else was more important than whatever happened between them. He'd just have to wait and see what came from all of this. Hopefully it would be more than what they had going in.

*Spade's Castle*

Arthur was nervous. Something about the whole war set him on edge and with Matthew and Francis here he knew he had a reason to be. The Jokers were getting involved. Jokers rarely showed themselves to anyone outside of the Kings of the kingdoms and even then it was usually to stir up more chaos, for one to show up and for it to not be to a king…they were stirring up chaos, but he had no idea how far the line was. It was one thread in the tangle.

"Matthew!" he called. Alfred's twin had taken to spending time with him, regaling him with tales of their childhood before Alfred and he were made of different suits and forced apart. It was nice to learn more about the man he had never really gotten to know. The man who was so very important to his life that he wished he had known the truth of his not-so-one-sided love before the war so he could hear things from his own point of view. He bet every story would be exaggerated and retold with childish enthusiasm, because that's how Alfred should be. Not the despondent man who had declined into an almost apathetic apparition after their marriage. Looking back on it, he could tell Alfred had tried to make it work, he was the one to push him away and now…now it was too late. There would be no apologies or words of comfort, there would be no joy in welcoming the soldiers home and celebration in the kingdom if they did win. They would mourn the loss of a great king who had a plan to save them all even after his death.

"Yes, Arthur?" Matthew asked. He liked Arthur, could see how the man would be able to handle his brother's constant over-the-top personality. They were opposites and Arthur was just what Al needed to finally calm down, but that wasn't to be and he felt the soft pang of regret at the loss of his brother and their lack of contact prior. Not that there had ever been a plan to reestablish contact to begin with, they had been so absorbed in their own lives…he sighed. It was unfair that death had taken a man with so much opportunity and possibility. He made the impossible suddenly seem so much more attainable, Alfred was like a beacon of hope and light. Matthew still regretted that he wasn't there beside his brother to take his place. The world needed Al more than it needed him.

Arthur faced him. "Has Diamonds gotten any news regarding the battle yet via trade routes?"

Matthew shook his head. "Nothing more than what your field messengers send. There's something suspicious about it, but I'm hoping it turns the tides of the war in our favor."

"So am I," muttered Arthur. "We need to look over more of Alfred's journals. You said he wanted to reinstate a council, right?"

"Not _a_ council, Arthur," Matthew said. "It is _the_ council. A council great enough to influence decisions in every kingdom and country with representatives from every single one pulling together to work for the needs of the people and establishing a more permanent line of communication to the monarchies. Of course knowing Al he probably wanted to reestablish the need for a monarchy as well, he always did have crazy ideas about how he thought the world should be governed."

"That does sound like him, such grandiose plans to take the world by a storm and restructure our very lives," Arthur responded with a smile, before he frowned. "Wouldn't reestablishing the need for a monarchy change the way the kingdoms are run? Wouldn't that annul the marriages made between the rulers?"

Matthew nodded. "Al believed that people should only wed if they were truly in love provided they were in a relationship and actually knew each other. He doesn't believe in arranged marriages. He found some old documents when we would read the politics of old that gave him the idea that people had a right to choose. It said something along the lines of every man being allowed the basic human rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. To him that included the freedom to choose what type of job you want, who you want to marry, and a bunch of other things."

"Why would he want that? It sounds like it would revolutionize the entire society the kingdoms are built on," Arthur queried. It was something abstract. Ideas like that had been used in centuries, not since the last time a council had existed and subsequently disbanded due to disruption of power and conflicts between the council of old.

"He didn't like the idea of forcing people who didn't like each other to marry, he wanted to be able to stand at the altar and mean every vow he spoke to someone he truly loved, not to someone who didn't know him and would have to spend the rest of their life tied to him in love or not," Matthew said quietly. "He's afraid of rejection, he gathers people around him, surrounds himself with so many good people no matter what their background not out of pity or some other reason, but because he connects with them. Outcasts, people with extraordinary abilities who are feared for no good reason other than having them, and the like, he wants them to believe in themselves and show they don't have to be afraid or hate themselves for being different. He wants people to honestly just be happy. Alfred was prepared to disband the monarchies after the creation of the council and putting the countries to vote to choose their representatives so that people who felt they belonged somewhere else could move freely, so that people in love could marry as they pleased, and to give people who feel like they will never amount to anything the chance they need. He loved people and he would do anything for those he loved. If after the monarchies ended you had told him you wanted your marriage annulled he would have done it with a smile on his face, even if it broke his heart. He would have let you go just so you could be happy. He even said as much in his letter."

"That would make sense…even after…he's just so special. I wish…" Arthur's voice trailed off. It was his fault he never told Alfred he cared or how he felt. He had never given any indication of anything other than dislike to the man who so boldly outwitted the world and had this plan tucked away, that Arthur realized he had been working on since before they had been married and he likely would have started a revolution himself if he hadn't been crowned king. In the back of his mind Arthur realized Alfred would have won. Alfred would have singlehandedly brought the world together with the idea because he was doing it for the people and they would have gathered under his call because he was a good person, someone they could trust that had their best interests at heart. It was only his regret to have never told Alfred how he felt or what he honestly thought of the young man instead of just dismissing him. All the time he wasted feigning annoyance instead of getting to know him. It burned. How he wished he had had the chance…but now they were regrets, his regrets to haunt him until one day perhaps he might see his beloved beyond the realm of living.

Arthur shook off the thoughts. It was too much to handle…too much to think of in the midst of a war that was quickly becoming an anomaly amongst the kingdoms. Hearts had yet to get involved but it was only a matter of time. Diamonds was limited but Francis and Matthew were doing what they could to support Spade's quietly. "At any rate, there is something wrong about this war. Things are too unpredictable and as far as any of us can tell there is no motive behind it, so it's a question of why Clubs has decided to attack and what they hope to gain. Is there any way we could get intel?"

"There are a few, we could send in a few spies and try to do some recon," Matthew said objectively. They had a goal. They would make Al's dream a reality, because it was the only tribute they could offer to a man worth more than what he had left behind.

Arthur nodded. "That should be enough. In the meantime I'll have to use my magic to scry, but that only shows me glimpses and powerful magic uses will be able to sense me if I'm not careful. Some areas might also be protected from magic, so we may need some experts on that."

Matthew looked at Arthur sheepishly. "Uhm…Alfred and I sort of kept a few things secret."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "Like?"

"I sort of turn 'invisible' and go off the 'radar' of magic users so our locations are usually protected," Matthew admitted shyly. "Alfred had super strength, but I can also turn invisible and it sort of makes people forget me for a little while if necessary too."

"That's very interesting," Arthur murmured. He wondered if there were any other twins in the world quite like the two, but knew there would be no point in looking. They had more important things to do. "At any rate let's focus on the war effort. Here's what we're going to do…"

* With Alfred somewhere in the Outlands*

Alfred had a headache. Or maybe it was a migraine. He wasn't sure but either way his head was pounding and with each minute that passed he felt it worsen despite the loud arguing of the Kirkland brothers, the only woman choosing to watch rather than interrupt the argumentative brothers. Maybe she's where Arthur got watching arguments from rather. He idly wondered how Arthur had turned out to be the better brother, which considering the man's penchant for anger, annoyance, mild paranoia, and his disturbing level of tolerance he easily figured out where it came from. Out of this lot…well it was quite obvious as to why Arthur was chosen as ruler.

_Flashback_

"_Oi! Ya good fer nothin' bro'er in law, get yer arse out here! We've a bone to pick wit' ye!" a foreign voice called. Alfred couldn't help but pale a bit. The words were clearly meant for him and he had only heard that voice once before. At the wedding, where Arthur has proceeded to get drunk enough to not remember the night because he didn't want to deal with his family, leading to Alfred putting him in 'their' bed with a soft kiss to the forehead and a whispered 'I love you' that had gone unheard by the other blond._

_Alfred got out of bed and walked out to see the 'merry' band of brothers...and a sister, since when was there a sister or had Gil just forgotten to mention...never mind he'd think about it later, waiting for him. "It's good to see you all. I see Gil wasn't lying when he said you'd all be here. I thought it would take longer though."_

_The group looked at him. Before Ian muttered something about him being and idiot, Aisling and Connor stared at him, and Liam gave him a deadpan look and said, "Magic."_

_Alfred felt like hitting himself. Right, magic. The whole point of the secret attack line of defense of Spades. "Right, never mind, that was stupid. I've just been slowly losing my mind because I've been held captive in this place by a crazy magic user…"_

"_I heard that Al," Lukas said, making him jump._

"_Damn it Lukas! Stop doing that! If you're going to appear at least announce your presence," Alfred muttered._

"_I wouldn't have to if you paid more attention to your surroundings," came his ever present stoic voice._

"_How does Matthias put up with you?"_

"_You'll find it's quite the opposite."_

"_Nope, pretty sure it's the other way round since he's in love with you."_

_With a blush and a glare, Lukas turned around and walked back into the house without saying another word to Al, who wore a smug look of victory for a moment, before remembering the other Kirkland members and looking back at them sheepishly. "Right…where were we?"_

_Ian glared at him. "Why does our lil' bro'er t'ink yer dead."_

"_That's not my fault!" Alfred said, holding his hands up in front of him, not that it would protect him much from their magic abilities but it wasn't like he was carrying a weapon either. "I was dying and someone must have seen and told him Ivan took me out! Which I would be if Lukas hadn't saved me! I've been recovering and while I was in recovery we came up with the plan to surround the Clubs' army and blindside them with magic attacks included but we didn't get much farther than having Tino and Matthias scout a few recruits to be trained and a plan of attack being made between part of our old group. Come to think of it, Antonio and Lovino…"_

"_Are right here you bastard!" Lovino shouted announcing his presence. "You need to stop talking like we aren't!"_

"_Gah!" Alfred shouted. "What is with you guys sneaking up on me! You are so lucky I'm still injured and Lukas won't let me carry a weapon yet!"_

"_And you'd do what jackass? Miss?" Lovino taunted. Despite the scowl on his face, his eyes shone with amusement._

"_Now Lovi~ stop teasing Al! It's been so long since we've all gotten together it would be a shame to ruin it, no?" Antonio cooed, poking Lovino in the cheek, to which his finger was promptly smacked away._

"_My name is Lovino! Lo-Vi-No! It's one syllable more! Stop calling me Lovi you damn tomato bastard!"_

"_I see that hasn't changed at all," Lukas said._

"_Lukas!" Alfred shouted frustrated. "Stop doing that! How long have you been there?"_

"_Around the time the yelling started. I can't have all my hard work go to waste because of your stupidity."_

"_Well, isn't this a party…don't tell me I wasn't invited Al?" Matthias pouted as he entered the clearing with Berwald, Tino, and Emil._

"_Of course they'd arrive with everyone else," Alfred muttered under his breath._

"_It's not a party. They're reinforcements," Lukas stated as Matthias tried to hug him but he dodged._

"_Ah…hello, Your Majesty. It's good to see you in good health," Tino said politely as Berwald grunted in agreement._

"_Th'ght y' w're a g'ner f'r s're," Berwald added._

"_Nah, no way, that was keeping me down. I still have something to live for after all," Alfred said, his glasses glinting in the light._

_From behind him Alfred could hear Lukas taunting Emil. "Come on, why don't you greet your big brother."_

"_I'm not calling you that Lukas."_

_The Kirkland family was talking, fighting, amongst themselves as well. _

"_I don't think Arthur even recognized him."_

"_Do you think they ever got far enough in marriage for threats to work?"_

"_They better not have."_

" _That's Arthur's choice."_

"_Arthur does nae kn'w wha's good fer him."_

"_Still his choice."_

"_Not if…"_

_Flashback end_

"Shut up!" Alfred snapped. "Okay, I get that none of us willingly get along for any given amount of time, but for this plan to fucking work and save our collective asses whilst keeping us alive we need to fucking work together. YOU" he rounded on the Kirkland siblings, "will work together regardless of your pointless family feud! It's a wonder Arthur turned out as well as he did, honestly! Suck it up! It's not like your brother and I ask for your help often, honestly I doubt you'd be here if it weren't for the Jokers and whatever fucked up situation they're running damage control for which means this is a big cluster fuck we're stuck in. As for you guys," he turned to Lovino, Antonio, Lukas, Berwald, Tino, Matthias, and Emil, "This is the worst I've ever seen our group at. You've all diminished to the point you separate yourselves from each other and act as separate entities, which is great, but for this to have the smallest success we can't waste our fucking time fighting ourselves. Get your asses in gear! We're in war! This is us at our worst. Let's see what we can be at our best."

For once they couldn't say anything. Alfred was right. This was war. If they wanted to get out alive, regardless of personal feelings, they needed each other if they had any hope of surviving. This was a war that would take all it could from them if they let it. They swore it wouldn't.

A/N: This…should have been out ages ago. I've just been very busy, *smiles* I got two books published which is a miracle since I rarely finish anything that isn't a one shot as you can see by my list of ongoing stories, and I apologize. This story is quickly hitting the climax. Anyone else excited to see where the fall ends up? *smirks* It'll be a rather unforgettable villain. If I'm honest I'd say this is pretty much the half way mark for the story!


	11. Chapter 11

Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 11: At Best

*Spades Castle*

The weeks that passed were gathering attention by members of the court, but they knew better than to raise their concerns for the Queen aloud. It was rumored that past queens developed a similar mentality of needing to talk or do things while their Kings were away for long periods of time. This was the first they'd seen their Queen act anything remotely unlike himself, spending longer hours indoor, speaking with Jack Yao and the foreign diplomats from Diamonds who he had suddenly announced would be staying in their kingdom for an indefinite amount of time despite past tensions between their kingdoms. There were a great many changes taking place in too short a time.

In fact, the Queen's hours were spent researching through journals and old texts of histories of the kingdoms locked away in the royal libraries used rarely by any of the predecessors in the Spadian history. Arthur spoke, planned, and constantly worked with the ill-fit group to get everything they would need, going so far as to review members of the royal courts to determine who could be trusted to be put on the council. It was a difficult and thankless task, but it was better than presenting the idea without any idea at all. So far they'd even managed to figure out who were descendants or at reincarnations of those from the last council, including themselves which partially explained why they were drawn together, in various ways of course.

"Are you sure about this Arthur?" Matthew asked. It was the third time in the last hour, Arthur was certain he was only asking out of worry, but his patience was wearing thin.

"Yes I'm sure Matthew. None of this should have happened at all if it weren't for the fact that the majority of the bloody nobles are cowards and leave their problems for the monarchy to solve. I swear if I…" Arthur was fuming, but he had to be in control. Taking a deep calming breath he said, "It needs to be done. If we force the meeting so that we have the royals here when Clubs king is captured we can also propose Alfred's idea before them so that we may agree on council positions, meetings and what not. This will be Alfred's legacy. It's what he left behind."

Matthew smiled. "I'll go send out the messengers then."

Arthur nodded and watched as Matthew turned around and left the room.

Unnoticed by the pair of them a figure watched from the shadows, a smirk crossing his face. "All according to plan."

He glanced around and placed a book, the journal and findings of one Arthur J. Kirkland ruler of the old country of England, on the desk in the pile of books to be read by the queen. With a snap of his fingers the figure vanished into the shadows.

*With Alfred somewhere in the Outlands*

Time marched on, dragging and relentless in its passage as they counted the days until it was all over using their time to find things to help them win the war, not just battles. The biggest improvement came when they met up with Tony's regiment. Tony gave them newer weapons to work with, better than swords and arrows he gave them technology, communications and more. It was just what they needed.

Of course there were a number of mishaps with finding other magic users, but once they found out why, well, they were all too happy to go along with the plan and actually train in the abilities they had spent so long hiding.

"Alfred!"

Al looked up from the paperwork he was going through. He had it spread around through the higher ranks that Matthias had 'taken over' command as General of the army so that he could maintain the ability to keep up with all the war strategies and reports that filtered through the camp that now had scattered warriors training with the newer weapons and magic tactics. He grinned as he looked up at one of his oldest friends since his move to Spadian territory. "Hey Tony! What's up bro?"

Tony grinned, his eyes alight with an unholy glee Alfred had only seen when it came to pranking people on levels of epic proportion or kicking someone's ass. "I finally finished that weapon you had me customize for you based on what we uncovered all those years ago!"

Alfred's jaw dropped. Old weapons from before had been lost, their somewhat fortunate stumble upon an old hidden underground base beneath what appeared to use to be a house belonging to one of the members of the original council, well those weapons had been intriguing and just what had gotten Tony into the idea of creating weapons and using technology to make it better. Sure there was magic and all those ways of communication or making magic weapons that project energy, but a weapon based off what had nearly destroyed the world and led to their current state…that was a weapon of destruction.

"How? When?" Alfred asked excitedly.

Tony smirked. Tossing the pistols over to Al, Alfred looked them over and could barely see the modifications. They were reloadable, fairly light weight, but only held a limited amount of ammunition to discharge at the enemy. They would be trusty and reliable to hit targets from a distance, and cause bodily damage that could cause enough pain to keep an enemy down unlike arrows. He still had his sword, but Tony was currently working on modifying that too, and if it was anything like these babies that were dug out of that underground bunker from who knows how long ago, it would be epic.

"Just finished them last night. I managed to keep working on them while you were sent off to the front lines, before I got drafted. Managed to keep working on them just in case, since you can't keep out of trouble that is," Tony said with a grin, making the others who had entered just a few moments before laugh.

"I knew I couldn't be the only one who thought that," Lukas commented.

Alfred pouted. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, but notice this time it wasn't even my fault and the other times we were helping people."

Matthias coughed. "I'm not sure they considered it helping."

Tino chuckled a bit while Berwald watched them all passively. "Alright, kids settle down. No need to act like inexperienced children. There'll be plenty of time for that after the war."

"You're not that much older than us Tino," Alfred protested lightheartedly, his own lips twitching in a smile as the others gave their own vocal protests. It was amusing to see Lukas give out an emotion other than annoyance or neutrality.

The arguments were petty, barely worth fighting over, but it was a small form of stress relief in the calm before the storm that was sure to follow. This was them working together to make things the absolute best, the best of the kingdoms calling in favors and fighting together to prevent the usurping of their lifestyles at the hands of the Club kingdom. The best of the best working together and though Alfred had no idea what would happen now that the Jokers and Mages had joined the fight, he was certain things would work themselves out. They could do no more than try, but even still they would try to the best of their abilities, and that alone was a confidence that maybe everyone would make it out okay. That maybe the group they have and the small comforts they took would allow them to survive as they always have, together.

*Joker Kingdom – The Grey Lands*

"What do you think you're doing?!" Gilbert shouted, more than a little cross. "You will destroy everything! The balance of the kingdoms is precariously close to the edge of a cliff and you will drive it over!"

Peter snorted, but the man before them spat at their feet in disgust. "I'm not doing anything a Joker is not within their rights to do. I merely offered information that would reveal more than the two of you want the kingdoms to know. What has been foretold will come to pass, whether at my hands or that of another! The sooner the better and I will take vengeance for what was done to those of us who refused to pledge!"

Peter eyed the man distastefully, before commenting. "Say what you will, but vengeance will not be what you wish it. All you have done is rend the world apart and start something that we will not be able to stop. What life we had before does not exist in this place and you would do well to remember that you were to blame for everything that fell apart the first time. Are you so certain you'll survive a second?"

Those parting words shot at the man held by chains made Peter feel tired. Vindictive and yet so weary of all that had come to pass, the long years away from his family and those he cared for, all that had led to what the world was now, all for one man who held no regard for the rules of balance. Peter had retained his youth, but in him he held the knowledge of a man who lived many lifetimes.

"Was that necessary?" Gilbert asked, leaving behind the only renegade Joker they had managed to capture in the act, whose hysterical laughter echoed down the hall and sent shivers up their spines, forcing them to return to the room only to find it empty.

Peter stared morosely at the scene before him. "It was. The fate of the world clings to but a fragile hope that we can undo what happened. We will need all the magic, old and new, and all those present from the initial contact for even the smallest hope to reverse this and not allow it all to pass. The only thing I wonder is if the happiness they have grasped will still be in their reach or if by undoing this everything will come undone in its entirety."

Gilbert ruffled Peter's hair, not deterred by the huff of annoyance. "That's what we have to believe in magic for…so that everything will work itself out."

"I hope you're right," Peter muttered, looking out the window. The forest was dark in the Grey Lands, protecting them and the old ways, preserving those who could remember in a frozen state, unchanging, unmoving, to keep the balance of the world. The hazy moon made quite a sight, but as he looked upon the world they were part of now, he didn't know which was better. The old, which had been wrought with problems, blame, and met with cynical thoughts from people who barely tolerated each other's existence, or the new, which held little memory of the old and was wrought with its own problems but held a faint promise of happiness if things were to work out. Such a fragile balance, tipping one way and another, but that thin line was breaking and soon there would not be a choice.

A/N: So…This kind of just magically appeared in my head, yes it's shorter than the other chapters, but this will move the plotline along faster and get the next few chapters out sooner. There's like five chapters left give or take a few.


	12. Chapter 12

Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 12: Battle of Wills

_Excerpt from the Diary of Arthur J. Kirkland_

_This diary is a gift given to me by he whom I love, a gift to celebrate the day we wed. It was such a perfect wedding, how someone such as I ended up with a man such as Alfred F. Jones will forever be a mystery for indeed I can hardly ever tell what he is thinking if he is at all. He has such odd moments of silence and he retreats into himself. I worry for him._

_Alfred has become more distant from me since the day we wed and were coroneted. We had always been so close through everything else, but I fear he is hiding something of great importance from me. He has always had nightmares and shared the odd experiences with me, but now he remains silent and I can feel it in the magic something is going to happen, though what I cannot say._

_We have spent years together and always has he told me his fears, his dreams and nightmares, and despite how awkward our discovery of our feelings was it was always something we could depend on. It was the one certainty we have had these long years._

_His nightmares have varied, us in old kingdoms he says the names forgotten but fighting battles, some side by side and a few against one another. I shudder to think of how heartbreaking it would be. He goes silent when we talk about them, tells me if they were us he felt sorry for them, because we were too stubborn to see what was before us and I hated him with such a passion he never revealed his feelings to me._

_I cannot imagine that. I could never hate Al, no matter what he might do. I might be hurt or heartbroken or upset, but I doubt I could ever hate him so much I would make him feel as though he could not speak to me so honestly. Sometimes I forget his age. He's only a few years younger but he acts so childish and lively, his spirit is so free, but there are times he is silent and those eyes look far older than the years he has lived._

_Lately he has begun to collect people of an odd sort, like Heracles, a man he claims is a historian but spends odd hours sleeping and laying about with his cats. It is disconcerting and I feel as though he does not trust me or is so foolishly trying to be heroic and protect me._

_There is something more to the story but he has sent information from the castle to a family he says will need it when the time comes, including a diary of his own design so that only the one it is meant for will know how to open it. I do not understand but surely that is of some significance as well._

_With no knowledge of what approaches I put my faith and confidence in Al. While I cannot trust him to do things perfectly, he will always do his best, more importantly he will always do what is right. That is what makes him a far better person than I and makes me wonder what attracts him so._

_He insists I am meant to be at his side, yet I doubt myself._

_I wonder when he will get bored of me._

_I wonder when he'll leave._

_I would let him._

_After all…_

_I love him._

_Arthur James Kirkland_

_Ruler of England_

_Beloved of Alfred F. Jones_

*Spades Castle*

Arthur could feel a pulse in his mind, memories of what was written trying to push forward yet blocked behind what would have to be a wall created by a more powerful mage or perhaps more than one mage in combination. The diary's words were too familiar and its sudden appearance was of no coincidence either. This was something he was meant to find but it left his mind reeling with the knowledge that if what was written is true there was far more to the history of the lands than what is known, some deeper secret hidden needing to be sought out. It gave him a headache just thinking about all that he would have to do to find out the truth behind all of this.

Rebirth, lives, having spent many with Alfred, he couldn't quite wrap his mind around it. If it were really just their stubbornness and uncertainty keeping them apart surely Alfred would have said something. No, even if he had visions similar to the other Arthur's Alfred, Al had never even commented on them, never told Arthur if there were things bothering him, but Arthur had seen similar patterns of behavior to what the ruler of England wrote. Did Al trust him so little? Did Al not trust him enough to let him share this burden or did he think it his burden to bear, to protect Arthur from?

It hurt to think of Alfred suffering alone and yet Arthur knew that for him, if it were true that Alfred loved him even half as much as Arthur of England's Alfred had, Al would still have tried to foolishly protect him from harm. He snorted a bit. Bloody hero complex.

A knock sounded from the door. "Ah, Arthur, a few of the other dignitaries have arrived," came Matthew's gentle voice. It was so much better than the booming loudness of Alfred's, but Arthur couldn't help but wish it were Alfred's obnoxiously annoying one instead.

"Thank you Matthew," he responded, opening the door and stepping out. "We shall go to the throne room and then lead them all to the council hall where we will all discuss the war and convene on the matter."

Matthew stared at him in surprise making Arthur suppress a smile. "Surely you did not think I would not have you beside me as an advisor? Even Francis would have insisted upon it if I had not already decided to make you part of this. You, he, myself and all the others hold a much larger part than we are aware and while I am seeking the answers I will try to make this…meeting as bearable as possible."

Matthew nodded. "What will happen to Clubs as they have no dignitaries to voice opinions?"

Arthur waived the concern away. "These meetings will only end once we have someone in high enough position here from the war front to discuss with us and put an end to the pointless battles going on."

"They aren't quite so pointless, Alfred fell in a battle," Matthew pointed out quietly. While it was not a topic either liked to think on it was the truth.

Arthur waived the matter away. "There will be reparations, but so long as we fulfill Al's goal perhaps it will ease the guilt and sorrow we fill until such time we can properly mourn."

Matthew stared at Arthur, no, the Queen of Spades. "It's so easy to see why Alfred loves you when you are like this."

Arthur blushed, but the sad, tired smile that came on his face whenever they spoke of him remained on his face. "Loved. He loved me."

"Loves," Matthew stated firmly. "Even beyond death Al probably loves you. I've no doubt with the choice he would fight his way back here for you."

As they walked into the throne room there was a murmur of noise from all the dignitaries. Arthur cleared his throat. "If you would all follow me to the meeting room we can officially begin the conversation as to why you were all called here."

Silence. Complete and utter silence met the comment, but they followed the Queen out of curiosity and minor bouts of respect. It was not often a queen was capable of remaining calm in the face of all the danger that was occurring while the country was at war let alone for a queen to call a meeting of foreign dignitaries at the risk of assassination during such times.

They took seats around a large round table in a room that looked more like a dining hall or a ballroom. It was an unusual room, but around them they could see the history of the kingdom laid out in trinkets and paintings around it, the tradition they knew had to have been kept in this room before it had become just another place in the castle of a powerful kingdom.

Arthur looked around, staring at people curiously and making note of a few people that seemed to match Arthur of England's descriptions in Alfred's collection of oddities, including a man from hearts who was prone to sleeping and he couldn't help but wonder if he too was called by the same name.

"As you all know," he began, "War has fallen upon Spades kingdom at the hands of Clubs and this has caused undue unrest. Prior to the battles that have been occurring on the borders of the kingdom, my king had already set a plan in action that would negate the probability of coming wars. His plan, by a look into the old ways and history of the kingdoms, was to implement a world council once more. This council would be open to an elected representative of every 'country' in each of the kingdoms, with a large possibility of the kingdoms no longer needing monarchies and allowing the arranged marriages to be annulled so that the rulers might marry whom they wish. As I, and I'm sure many of you have little knowledge about the old kingdoms save those who have listened to the oral histories passed down, have little knowledge of creating a system that could help with this idea I wished you all to bring your advisors so that we may take a few days to discuss the matter and make decisions regarding it. Once we have an official or possibly a few officials of high enough rank from the front lines I intend to bring the Clubs Kingdom into the meetings and present the idea to them as well."

The stunned silence of the people that held positions of power, including the advisors, soon gave way to whispered conversations and louder conversations of whether or not the idea would work. If it did, it meant many of them could be with the families they had been separated from. Arthur smiled, so far it seemed more people liked the idea and it would not be immediately rejected. If nothing else, Arthur could give Alfred this, his legacy, and it would live on even if only in Spade's kingdom if he had to.

_Excerpt from the Diary of Arthur J. Kirkland_

_It is in times of great struggle men prove their true worth, when we rise above challenges meant to tear us down and prove to our enemies they are no greater than us and just as human. The battles that wage tear my country apart and Alfred's country fares no better. _

_Though our separation parts us, we have been blessed. No matter our lives may be lost and time ended unduly by the ravaged lands of war, but in that we met. It was an accident and unexpected. When he left I never expected him to have become someone of equal standing. He always sought to prove himself to me, but he never should have thought he had to, because honestly he was the better man, better in every way. He shone in all ways a soul should, exceedingly brightly. Now, with such great distance separating us, I can see how far our love stretches and the extent that our souls are bound together._

_In this life and any other I am certain that I would be far more glad to have died young, having met and loved him, than old and bitter. He is my soul mate. I know this with all that I am and to be separated from him is more than I can bear, yet far worse would it be to never have had the chance._

_My brothers have fallen in battle and my sister, she is greatly weakened. The magic of the Kirkland family, while great, will not last forever. With the coming battles I know there's not much time left to live, so I leave behind my love. May the path before you never waiver in times of need and may you draw strength from your beloved. There is no greater power in the universe than the connections and bonds formed by comrades, friends, and family, though nothing compares to that of true lovers. Never give up._

_Arthur James Kirkland_

_The Last Ruler of England_

_Beloved of Alfred F. Jones_

*With Alfred on the Battlefield*

The troops were spread thin, to the enemies eyes the soldiers looked close to defeat. The ranks were forming up in the middle, but from the surrounding forest on the left those trained in the battle magic of arcane arts were awaiting the signal and from the foggy lakebed on the right his another battalion of those trained in long-ranged combat ranging from spears to bows hidden in boats settled behind the magic created mist and fog.

From behind the weary soldiers came reinforcements, swinging his axe Antonio cut down enemies in his path a grin on his face, Matthais at his side with a broad sword, and Berwald carrying a mace. Those who were wounded from being on the front lines acting as decoys and delaying the onslaught fell back as refreshed forces pulled forward and took their places, heading for the area where Tino and Emil were for medical treatment and quick patchwork for their wounds. The magic users would all be combating and would not deplete their energy healing wounds just yet. Not until they were certain of victory.

The piercing call of an unfamiliar bird breached the battlefield and to those who knew Alfred, they saw his familiar, for that bird was his and his alone, a symbol for all that he stood for something lost and forgotten to time as rare as the bird itself. The true battle began as mages led by Lovino and Lukas covered the enemies retreat with a fire blockade and used the earth to trap them and make them immobile, water being used as projectiles, some of it turning to ice and piercing skin, hurting far more than some of the blades clashing on the battlefield.

From behind the main fighting group Alfred led another group of soldiers, this unit only ten strong, Tony at his side held pistols and rifles shooting at the enemy to incapacitate instead of kill. They needed the king alive for this to end and be able to settle it back at the castle, it would force Clubs surrender and force them to send dignitaries to discuss conditions at the very least.

As Alfred and Tony marched forward he heard a familiar chilling voice, "I found you~! Kolkolkolkolkol…"

Alfred turned just in time to maneuver his rifle to block Ivan's sword and it was flung out of his hands barely giving him time to pull his own sword to battle Ivan once more. Ivan pouted looking a bit put out. "I was certain I killed you last time, da? This is a trick?"

Alfred smirked. "You don't have as good an aim as you think, Ivan. The likes of you will never be capable of defeating someone with a spirit like mine."

Ivan's face held a pleased smile that disturbed Alfred if he was honest with himself, but he stood his ground. "You are fun toy, but all toys break. You looked so sad when I told you of your Queen, I wonder if he has moved on yet?"

Alfred flinched a bit knowing it was a possibility but stood firm against Ivan, parry, thrust, counter-parry, moving against Ivan and both trying to gain an advantage. "What would you know of it, _Vanya_? As long as my queen is happy I am content. That was never enough for you was it?"

Ivan's smile became cold and his eyes hardened. "I think I would know more than you Fredka."

Alfred rolled his eyes, his muscles protesting the extensive use as he had only barely managed to heal in time from their last round. "You would," he conceded, "but at least I am willing to admit my mistakes."

"I was not the one who was wrong," Ivan said, his voice frosty. "You were the one who…"

Alfred cut him off. "I made a deal to save you! We could have still been friends if you bothered to listen but you cut me out! I told you I had a plan but you wouldn't hear it and now we are all suffering because you want something you can't have unless you either take it or make an agreement with my kingdom!"

Alfred could feel his emotions rising out of control as he thought of their broken friendship. Ivan could be a good person, sure he was misunderstood and lonely, but it didn't define him. He always took into account his people's needs and if he believed it would help he would do anything for them, but at the same time he had been willing to sacrifice their friendship when Alfred was chosen to be king of an 'enemy' kingdom and he had been picked up by the Jack of whom Ivan had a slight infatuation. The words ended but their battle waged on silently between the two friends turned enemies.

Al's ears were ringing from the clash of blades and the quick movements between himself and Ivan, there would be no slowing down, faster and faster they became as one tried to get the advantage over the other. A sudden shout and a shove jolted Alfred as Ivan's surprised visage gave him just what he needed to incapacitate the other king. Turning to look at who had pushed him out of the way and taken such a blow he felt his vision blur as he let loose a scream of agony and rage, blood seeping from the familiar figure.

_Excerpt from the lost diary of Alfred F. Jones_

…_There is a long history lost between the worlds and the Jokers and my own mind are keys in unlocking it for as the last chosen commander and leader of America the old magicks have awakened. This war will rend the world apart and I fear nothing shall ever be as it was though I do not tell Arthur. In this way I think history is meant to repeat itself until perhaps one, say someone in the future, will get it right._

_For all who fight, fight for what is right instead of doing what is easy and remember the proverb 'The road to hell is planned by the well-meaning, built by the righteous, and paved with good intentions._

_Alfred Frederick (aka Freedom) Jones_

_Commander in Chief and President of the once United States of America_

_Beloved of Arthur J. Kirkland_

A/N: …I am only partially evil. This story…has been more than I thought it ever would be and the responses you guys have given, in terms of favorites and story alerts since the reviews are rather lacking, have been great seeing as this was initially just a one-shot turned two-shot with no intention of me continuing. Thanks to everyone for their support I've made it this far and this story is so close to the end. Now then, I'm not sure when I'll get to update again as I'm moving to Utah, turning 20, have college, and am getting a tattoo, but it shall be soon.


	13. Chapter 13

Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Chapter 13: The Hand of Friendship

Previously

_*With Alfred on the Battlefield*_

_Al's ears were ringing from the clash of blades and the quick movements between himself and Ivan, there would be no slowing down, faster and faster they became as one tried to get the advantage over the other. A sudden shout and a shove jolted Alfred as Ivan's surprised visage gave him just what he needed to incapacitate the other king. Turning to look at who had pushed him out of the way and taken such a blow he felt his vision blur as he let loose a scream of agony and rage, blood seeping from the familiar figure._

Now

_Excerpt from the lost diary of Alfred F. Jones_

_There was a great battle today and many good men were lost. I felt something inside me break and I knew Arthur was gone, separated from me by death, not that it was cause for worry since I will soon be joining him in the next life. I feel empty, lost, like he tied me to the world and made me everything I am. I cannot cope without him. In the next life I vow he will not have to fight. He will not have to see the horrors of battle and losing loved ones, he will not watch what happens and wonder if I face a similar death. I have seen what will be and our glorious kingdom will prosper, even after my death. He will be a fine queen. He always was better with words than I._

_The pain of losing people you grow close to, watching good men walk to their deaths, this will not be the last battle for in a war there are many to be fought. Find something to be worth it. Find something worth every death and moment spent in hell for there is nothing on the battlefield. Find it and call it 'hope' for it will be all you see when you wish for the end._

_Alfred Frederick (aka Freedom) Jones_

_Last Commander in Chief and President of the once United States of America_

_Beloved of Arthur J. Kirkland_

"TONY!" Alfred screamed. It was the cry of a desperate man, one who could remember years of friendship and loyalty, hours working together in some lab or looking through ruins of old places long forgotten to time for ideas of invention and advancement. Tony was his best friend, the closest thing he had to a brother since he and his own had gone their separate ways, someone he could compete with and talk to, sometimes they even bounced ideas off one another and even with him becoming King they hadn't grown apart.

The battle around them still waged, but slowly the Clubs troops began to surrender, their king was incapacitated and the other men were slowly overpowering them. Best to surrender and live than die for a battle they know to be over. Alfred did not see this, did not see his men gathering the collection of prisoners or notice the tears threatening to fall as he stared blankly, Lukas already taking the privilege of tying Ivan and binding his arms behind his back with cuffs. He was too busy with his hands deep in Tony's wound using some cloth he had torn trying to stop or at least slow the bleeding.

"Alfred," someone was speaking to him, he didn't know who but it was familiar if distant to his irrational mind. He knew he was being irrational, but this was his _best friend_, someone he relied on when he needed help with Arthur even if Tony didn't like the man Al was in love with. "Al, you need to stop, let me take over, Between Emil and I we may be able to save him…"

He found himself pushed out of the way as Lukas and Emil worked together on Tony, but he could only stare blankly. If Tony died, everything was pointless again. If Tony died, the cycle would repeat. They were so close, he was so close to finally putting an end to everything that went wrong and with Tony's help he had gotten to the point where it was possible. Why did this happen? Were petty grudges so ingrained to their very existence that they would never be free? Would someone always die before they could change it?

The thoughts plagued him, making him dizzy and nauseous. This was a tragedy spurned by thousands of years, he had _fought_, fought on the hope that one day they would be free, they wouldn't constantly fight and they could have something _better_ and it burned him with knowledge that everything that was occurring, this tragedy of their lives, was amusing and he couldn't help the hysterical giggles escaping him as the others stared at him in a morbid fascination. He didn't care anymore. The extent to which all their souls were pulled, twisted, remade, reborn, forgotten and lost to who and what they were save very few, it was laughable because they were _meant_ to fail and start over again.

How many times would he have to make Arthur love him? How many times would they fight, fall in love, scorn each other, and wish for another life and love? How many times would he continue to watch the people he's known far longer than they know, die and suffer without knowing why, struggling to make sense of their lives over and over again, because of _one person_ who wanted vengeance? How many more times would he feel the cool grip of death upon his soul and still be able to fight?

He was losing. He was losing this fight to make things right and he was losing himself. He was forgetting why he even fought. Nothing was changing. Nothing was turning out the way he hoped. If Tony died would he still be able to fight? Would he still try to end this unending hell they all seemed to cycle through and break apart from it so it would never happen again? Would he still try to free them all?

Yes, he realized, startled out of his hysterical laughter. He would. He'd try and try and keep trying because Tony had had faith in him. When no one else had trusted him or believed in him, when it seemed like everyone was against him and thought him too childish or immature, Tony was at his side reassuring him he was doing the right thing. If it meant Tony might still have a chance and everything he had seen would come undone he would do it. Even at the cost of himself and it was a bitter realization that if he forgot it would start all over again, he would suffer again, but if he died…if he died who would be sad once everything returned to how it was? Who would mourn him?

"Al, are you alright?" asked Matthias, unnerved by the man's unnatural silence and somber mood despite his flickering expression that held too many emotions that he had no desire to decipher.

Alfred's eyes flickered over to Matthias. "I'm fine. Just thinking about something that might be important," _not really_, he thought bitterly, "but we should be going. We need to get back to the kingdom and get the treaty meeting started. Arthur is probably being driven mad by the councilors trying to run the kingdom alone."

Arthur, that brought a smile to his face. He'd finally be seeing the man he loves and he'd be allowed to hug him and maybe get a kiss when they got back, though it was unlikely since Arthur probably thought him dead if anyone had seen him wounded and reported him dead from that initial battle with Ivan, not to mention his current orders of not revealing he lived in order to surprise the enemy troops when they had attacked.

"No~ stop with the face," Matthias said dramatically. "It's so sappy and gross and lovestruck! Stop thinking of your beau while in front of us!"

Alistair made a disgusted face. "I dinnae wan' to know what thinking o' m' li'l broer makes him look like. He already looked like a berk ta begin wit'."

Alfred smirked a little at his friends' dramatics, ignoring Arthur's brother's comment entirely. If there was one thing the man was good for other than being an awesome drinking buddy, it was definitely comic relief. "Now you know how you look when you stare at Lukas."

"Lies!" Matthias shouted. "I'll have you know I look nothing like that! You with your stupid dopey smile and the face, I don't look like that!"

Alfred laughed as the others got closer and Lukas quirked an eyebrow before shaking his head and muttering something about idiots. Alfred sobered as he caught sight of Lukas. "How is he?"

"He's alive, but he's not in the clear yet," Lukas answered. "He needs a potion to heal him but I don't have the ingredients so he's in for a slow recovery."

Alfred nodded. Berwald, Tino, Emil, Lovino, Antonio, and Matthias watched him carefully. "I'll be fine. Stop watching me like I'm going to do something drastic. It'll take us a few weeks to get back to the castle, so let's start moving. I think it's time for the men to go home and celebrate Spades victory. Treaty discussions probably won't happen until we get Clubs Queen and Jack to come and confirm Ivan's presence. Lovino, Antonio, you're both welcome to come and stay, I'm sure there's plenty of rooms available and I'd like to hear about how you're been while going through the kingdoms."

They nodded in relief. Alfred hadn't broken, not yet. He was still strong, sure it was more for their sakes and out of a need to see Arthur, but as long as he wasn't broken they had hope things would be okay.

*Spades Castle*

Arthur stared out at the kingdom from the balcony. In the past few weeks talks had progressed and the other kingdoms were agreeable to the idea, it was just a matter of convincing Clubs and bringing them into the fold, but with the current state of affairs it seemed unlikely. He wondered about the soldiers who were fighting, if they were winning or losing, if the men were dying and who else they had lost. This kingdom had already lost its King, but Arthur wanted to know if it was worth the life of a good man, of several good men, because he knew Alfred had people out there he had trusted and respected and they had to be good because _Alfred_ believed they were.

"Arthur, it's time to begin the talks for the day," Yao said, walking out onto the balcony.

"Thank you, Yao," he said softly.

"If you don't mind my asking, how have you been?" Yao asked.

Arthur looked at him. "Are you asking as Jack or as my friend?"

"Does it matter?"

"Not really," Arthur admitted. "I just want to know if you're asking for the sake of the kingdom or out of our friendship."

"As a friend. I care for you and Alfred, have helped you two for years, and I worry. You both tend to be stubborn, but I'd like to know if you are alright," Yao responded.

"Not yet, but I will be. These talks are going smoothly, perhaps too smoothly, but I prefer to have that good news to look at than stare at the reports that come from the battle field as blood stained ledgers making me feel like I'm sending people to their deaths," Arthur told him as they began walking to the meeting room Arthur had chosen.

Yao sighed. "Do not look upon good luck and wonder about when the bad will begin. We must move to the flow of time and accept things as they are in order to move forward."

Arthur smiled. "Of course, Yao. Perhaps you will join us today?"

Yao shook his head. "I must meet with the councilors and those who have scheduled an audience for grievances today. If there is news from the battlefield I will inform you immediately."

Arthur nodded and watched Yao walk away before opening the door and slipping into the meeting room.

"Arthur," a voice purred next to his ear causing him to spin and punch the man who surprised him in the stomach.

"Francis! You bloody frog don't do that!" Arthur shouted, vexed by the audacious man's actions. "Matthew keep him in line!"

"I tried to warn him," Matthew mumbled, shyly smiling as the Diamonds Queen and Jack came over to scold/check on their King.

Arthur snorted, while the Hearts Triumvate looked at them skeptically, slightly wondering how they managed to keep their countries running smoothly. The answer to the obvious question: avoidance.

Over the past few weeks that the advisors and leaders had met Arthur had gotten to know a number of the people in the room and, while completely relieved by his brothers' and sister's absence, he couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed his family was not there and Alfred was not at his side. He could see Heracles sleeping, the palace cats cuddled in various positions around him, the Jack of Hearts, a jovial man named Feliciano, was talking animatedly to the King, a strict man of discipline called Ludwig, while the Queen, a silent man who reveled in many of the same things Arthur did called Kiku, listened and hid his smile watching the men he called friends. Another corner held members of various organizations such as Mages, Druids, Priests, Assassins, Mercenaries, Farmers, and other fields of work that represented other groups of people who would need a voice in the new method of decision making that would affect the kingdoms and provinces.

Before they could begin the meeting a commotion from outside caught the attention of all those present. Arthur raced to the window, but the sound of trumpets, the beat of drums, and the marching of weary soldiers had already made itself known. The Army was back and those who were left behind for border patrols would ensure that news reached the other kingdom of their loss of the war. Treaties would have to be worked out, but all Arthur could feel was the crushing relief that it was over. Spades had won, but at what the cost?

A/N: Told you I wasn't that cruel! Next chapter will be out soon, but I'd really like opinions on this chapter. Did it seem rushed?


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Yes this chapter was inspired by me watching RENT and repeated listening to Pink's Album Truth About Love. I regret nothing at all.

Regrets

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. Or the song from Rent.

Chapter 14: No Day But Today

As they marched, they let the weariness seep in. The further within their territory they managed to get into the more they felt relief and the joys of being home, but there was a constant ache and tiredness, their eyes held sorrow and the war had left its mark on each of them. They had all seen so much in such a short amount of time, been subjected to the horrors of war watching people they trained with or had worked with or had previously not known be killed on battlefields stained red, now dyed in the blood of victims. They were all victims of war, they were now aware of the tragedy that came of walking onto a battlefield, the tragedies of lives cut short and watching comrades fall.

Alfred, despite being king, still remained among the younger ages to have gone to the battlefield, but he knew he'd still have gone even if he wasn't king. He would have gone because it was the right thing to do and he would always fight for his people, it was something ingrained into his very soul, and he always felt so _old_ compared to some of his friends. Maybe it was because he remembered and because as king his gift let him glimpse the future. Maybe it was because of the things he saw. He wasn't sure anymore.

When they finally reached the capital, among the cheers, shouts of joy and victory, he could hear the steady beat of the drums and the ringing sounds of the trumpets sounding to their arrival. Al could sense the shift in attitude as they drew nearer to the castle, Matthias and Berwald before him, Arthur's siblings flanking him on either side, Lovino, Antonio, and Lukas behind them, and Emil and Tino behind Lukas and Lovino. They made for a grand procession of soldiers and mages, healers and doctors, all wrapped up and wounded in some way or another, but their backs were straight and they kept marching to the castle. They were proud. Not of their actions in the war but that they had been successful and brought it to a halt. They were proud to be able to return with news that they had succeeded in protecting their home.

"Procession halt!" Alfred heard Arthur's voice ring from the top of the castle steps, he could feel his lips twitching into a smile, the silly grin Tony had once told him made him look like an idiot before proceeding to insult Arthur for taking so much of Alfred's time and him not being able to hang out anymore. "Commander, step forward."

That raised a few eyebrows from soldiers in the group for surely the queen would be more of want to see the king and hear of his victory so soon that they had returned. Before anyone could do anything Arthur's brothers and his sister pushed their way to the front. "Now, li'I broer, tha's no way ta treat yer family."

"Ian? Aisling? Conor? Liam?" Arthur asked, his eyes wide, startled by their appearance.

"Ya dinnae think we would no' help yer boys in time of war, did ye?" Ian asked gruffly, going up to his younger brother and ruffling his hair as Arthur glared at him a bit.

"Don't be that way Ian, you know Arthur's had some trying months being stuck with no one but those council pricks and without me here to distract him," Alfred said grinning as he came forward.

Arthur's eyes flitted through a myriad of emotions, hurt, shock, guilt, frustration, finally settling on anger.

Alfred pulled Arthur into a hug and whispered into his ear. "Don't make a scene here. We can talk later, you can yell later, but right now we have to spread the news of Ivan, the king of clubs, capture and get their queen, jack, and advisor here. You've already started making the motion to bring back the old council haven't you?"

"How…how did you know that?" Arthur stammered into Alfred's shoulder, raising his arms to wrap around Alfred and return the hug as though it were a gesture between lovers embracing after return rather than just King and Queen. This was the reassurance their people needed that things would be okay, even if it was all an act, neither could deny how right it felt at the moment.

"It's part of the king's gift. It's not something we make known," Alfred said lightly. Releasing Arthur he turned to his friends and the soldiers, "Take Ivan to the guest quarters in the east wing and set guards around the room. While he is a prisoner of war he is also royalty. Have the healers look at him and make sure he is alright. The rest of you can go to the barracks and find your rooms, Tino, Matthais, Berwald, Emil, I trust you to show the others where they may stay. Ian, Conor, Liam, and Aisling, you'll be in the wing Arthur and I share, you are family after all."

Having issued his commands he held Arthur's hand and led him back into the castle. As soon as the doors closed behind them Arthur pulled his hand away and glared at Alfred. "What was that all about?"

"What?" Alfred asked flabbergasted.

"That!" Arthur said, gesturing down the hallway where they had just been where the doors were still closed.

Alfred stared at him blankly.

Arthur growled. "That act, that whole thing in front of the others, you told me you loved me in a fucking note, you made me believe you died, and then you come back here and you act like everything is fine!"

"I didn't make you believe I was dead!" Alfred defended himself. "I was glad to see you! I'm tired from fighting, and everything, it's not like I purposely used you to escape, besides I thought you would want to have the conversation in private!"

Arthur sighed, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "You just don't get it."

Having said those words he stalked off, back to their room, Alfred trailing a distance behind him, but he slammed the door before Alfred could say anything.

Alfred sighed. Shower first, then talk. He couldn't deal with this right now and he needed the time to get his thoughts in order to explain.

It was an hour and a half before Alfred returned to their room and knocked on the door. "Go away Alfred."

"I won't Arthur; the least you could do is hear me out…"Alfred responded. "If you can't forgive me for letting you think I was dead I understand, but the least you could do is at least _listen_ to what I have to say."

"Fine," Arthur huffed from the other side of the door, unlocking it and shuffling away from his husband. "Tell me why and then leave. It's what you're good at."

"Arthur I had no choice about the war, I had no choice but to keep a lot of secrets, quite frankly, I would have died if Lukas hadn't been there that day," Alfred said walking into the room and going to sit on the edge of the bed where Arthur had settled himself. "But I don't regret any of it. Part of the king's gift to ensure the kingdom's safety is seeing the future, but when magic is involved it becomes unpredictable. I haven't seen how the war will turn out or what will happen beyond me having been stabbed on that battlefield which means things still aren't over. However, the kingdom is safe and our citizens are happy. All four kingdoms are going to be working on an alliance to ensure peace and prosperity. There were a lot of sacrifices and I would have accepted being one of them. I saw…I saw a lot of things out there I wish I hadn't, including watching my best friend nearly die. I hated it. I hated every minute of that war and I hated leaving you behind without confessing face to face. I love you, Arthur Kirkland, and it isn't because of some magic imposed on us or some sort of scheme of mine to hurt you, I love you and I think you're beautiful."

"You could have told me…you could have trusted me," Arthur whispered, a pillow firmly nestled in his arms as though it were a shield, as though it could protect him from whatever Al said.

"We didn't even trust ourselves Arthur, and I was scared," Alfred admitted. "I was terrified of loving you, of thinking I was the only one who felt anything, of _seeing_ things that made no sense! I didn't know if I could trust you Arthur, because I thought you hated me. Yes a marriage is meant to bring people together, yes as King I should trust my Queen explicitly, but how would I have lived with that? What if you had hated me and I confessed? Would I have been subject to mockery at your whim? Would you have hurt me more with crueler words than those you used against me before? I didn't know and I didn't want to, because I would have let my love for you blind me from what was to happen and I knew it would have hurt more if we confessed to each other before the war. You can blame me, _hate_ me all you want, but that would not stop the facts."

"Do you…Have you ever regretted it? Being King, loving me, any of it?" Arthur asked. It made sense to. They were being honest with each other, opening up to each other, insecurities and feelings, he _needed_ to know.

Alfred shook his head. "Never. My mom told me about how her and dad met, it was a bit like us actually, one saving the other from dying…"

"What?"

"The first time we met. You saved me off the street, I would have died but you took me somewhere to get me healed, we were both pretty young then but I think that was when I started falling for you, like love at first sight or something," Alfred smiled.

Arthur blushed red as he realized what Alfred was talking about. There had only been one incident in which he had saved someone, he didn't know why but it felt right, like it was what had to be done. He hadn't thought the boy would grow up to be his husband or that they would be King and Queen together. Arthur assumed it was life's funny way of showing they were meant to be together, but he still didn't know how to handle it.

"Well, dad was bleeding, wounded from hunting and a wolf got him or something, and ma found him and stitched him up. He couldn't move for a while but eventually he stayed because he loved her," Alfred said, continuing with his story. "It was a little after that the plague struck the kingdoms, and ma…ma was strong but the disease was taking her slowly, they didn't know how much time they had together. Mattie and I were born sometime later and luckily had not inherited the disease or gotten it from prolonged exposure. Pa…he loved ma so much that when she passed he didn't know what to do. Mattie and me got our looks from ma, we were reminders of everything he loved and could no longer have. He told us his and ma's story every night and one day he went out hunting…he didn't come back, we were about five and we were separated by the suits shortly after."

Arthur made a noncommittal noise in sympathy, but Alfred was lost in the story that he had to tell Arthur, finally let go of that piece of the past. "Ma used to sing to pa…every night before they fell asleep she'd sing him the same song and then he would sing it to us after she passed."

Alfred hummed a few notes to the tune before he sang it to Arthur, "_**There's only us, there's only this, forget regret, or life is yours to miss, there is no path, there is no way, no day but today…**_"

Arthur felt tears in his eyes, it was a sad tale, a tragedy of love and life that brought the strong, kind man before him into existence, and its meaning was clear. There was no room for regrets, not past or future, to live day by day and make every one count, because life was uncertain. Alfred's hand came up to cup his cheek and Alfred let his thumb gently swipe the corners of Arthur's eyes. Al let one hand run through Arthur's hair, the other remained on his cheek, his thumb stroking Arthur's eyebrows, trailing down his nose and softly caressing Arthur's lips as they parted slightly under his touch. Arthur felt himself blushing at the attention Alfred was giving him, no matter how he felt or how he hurt, he still loved Alfred.

Alfred drew back startled after a moment; as if he had no idea what he had just been doing as he stared at his hands betrayed, clutching one to his chest and the other holding its wrist. He got up from where he was seated and turned his back to Arthur, he would not cry, he _would not_, but damn if it didn't hurt as he choked out, "I shouldn't have done that. I…I know you probably don't forgive me or want me around after what happened. I…I should go."

Arthur was startled by the loss of connection, by the intimate moment that had made him feel like everything Alfred had promised in his letter, like he was finally important to someone. He hardly registered Alfred's words before his King and love started to walk away from him. Arthur scrambled to the edge of the bed, barely managing to grasp the back of Alfred's shirt and make him stop.

Alfred stood still, he couldn't help the fluttering in his stomach or the slight hope he felt when Arthur stopped him, but he couldn't turn around and face Arthur. He didn't know what he would see or what to expect, so he stayed still. Arthur drew himself closer, getting off the bed and clutching both of his hands tightly in the back of Alfred's shirt as he mumbled into it and rubbed his face into Alfred's back.

"What did you say Arthur?" Alfred asked as he turned his head a bit to get a glimpse of his beloved.

Arthur lifted his head and looked at Alfred pleadingly. "Don't leave me again. Promise me that…if something like this ever happens again you'll talk to me. I already forgave you…With everything that's happened I never got to tell you."

"Tell me what?" Alfred asked as Arthur let go and remained close to Alfred as he turned around.

Arthur blushed and looked down. "That I love you. You left the letter and I never got to tell you I love you too."

Alfred's face lit up in joy as he smiled at Arthur and wrapped _his_, how wonderful it was to finally call Arthur his after wanting him for so long and fearing he was hated, beloved Queen in his arms, pulling the shorter male into his arms. Arthur looked up and a small smile graced his features at his King's enthusiasm. Through all the uncertainty and everything they had been through, it had led them to this, and finally they could be happy together with the kingdoms in peace and without the threat of war looming over them.

Arthur blushed as Alfred began to pepper his face with sweet kisses, they were a bit like honey, light and smooth, they made Arthur feel like he was drowning in happiness. Alfred kept kissing until finally he reached Arthur's ear and whispered, "You know…we never consummated our marriage my Queen. There are a lot of things we need to make up for, all the lost time that should have been ours."

Arthur felt his blush deepen and spread as he moaned at the implications; he could feel himself growing hard. Their marriage had left them both chaste for years and Alfred's words held such promise he couldn't help but want it all. Everything that should have been would now be.

"It's right that we do this now that we truly know each other, now that we love each other," Arthur murmured. "Take me my King, for I am yours and yours alone."

Alfred's look became smoldering and Arthur's matched it with equal passion as they returned to the edge of the bed, Arthur sitting as he undid the button's of Alfred's shirt, feeling the muscles and skin beneath. The scars only added to Alfred's beauty and Arthur moaned as Alfred bit his collarbone and both of their shirts slipped off. He hardly knew when they finished undoing the buttons, but he didn't care, finally after so long, Alfred would be his in every way and vise versa.

Arthur's shirt made its way to the floor as Alfred crawled over him – when had he lay down? – and pressed kisses along his neck, collarbone, down his chest and stomach. It was new and foreign, the sensations Alfred made were driving him wild. Alfred couldn't help but groan as he felt Arthur buck his hips up against his groin, their erections straining against their pants rubbing together which the slightest movement. Alfred let his hands trail up Arthur's arm, he wanted to cherish this moment, he was writing it into his memory the picture of his beloved flushed and full of need beneath him.

Alfred pulled Arthur's pants down and dropped them on the floor as he kneeled between Arthur's legs. He licked Arthur's erection curiously resulting in a groan of pleasure and a whimper. He ran his tongue along Arthur's shaft experimentally and got a gasp. He was enjoying this experiment to see what Arthur liked, carefully he opened his mouth and slid Arthur's erection fully into it, making Arthur moan, "Ah-Alfred! Please!"

Alfred sucked and licked Arthur until he came in his mouth. Alfred swallowed and couldn't resist the taste of his beloved on his tongue as he got up and let his own pants drop to the floor as he stepped out of them and returned back to Arthur's lips, kissing him and sliding his tongue into his mouth.

Arthur was completely flushed, his eyes half-mast and sated from Alfred, but Al continued to kiss him and aroused him one more, his cock dripping pre-cum in no time at all. Alfred grasped Arthur's thighs as he kissed him more into haze induced bliss and he couldn't wait to see his beloved's face when they finally both received the pleasure of consummating their marriage. Arthur was not so far gone he that he would forget what Alfred was. "Al, love, you need to prepare me. There's oil on the stand."

Alfred grunted as he shifted his weight and grasped the bottle of oil. He slicked up his fingers and positioned one at Arthur's entrance, looking into Arthur's eyes. "Are you sure?"

Arthur nodded and Al pressed the finger into the tight ring of muscles, gently massaging his finger in and out coaxing Arthur to relax so he could add a second. "Ngh…Al!"

Alfred had found his prostrate that was the only reason Arthur could think that he only felt pleasure from Al's fingers to the point he hadn't even felt Al slip the third in. By the time Arthur was fully stretched and Al had slicked himself up, Arthur knew he was ready. "Al, please, I _need_ you," he whined.

Alfred positioned himself at Arthur's entrance and pushed in slowly as he was still a bit bigger than the three fingers. He stayed still for a few minutes before Arthur bucked his hips experimentally making Alfred's penis rub against that bundle of nerves that made him feel naught but pleasure and he could start moving. It was blissful and they knew this would be forever, they were meant to be together and every legend about the Kings and Queens of Spades had been more than accurate, love between them was the most magical thing he had ever experienced.

They moved together as if they had been made that way. It was a thrum of their bodies and a call that neither could deny. They had denied themselves for so long, _this_ was what they had been missing, and if not for the war there was the possibility that they would have never gotten this far. They moaned, kissed, and touched each other passionately, their touches lingering and leaving a trail of burning desire in its wake.

They reached climax together with a shout of each other's name. This was love. This was what it was like to love someone who loved you back. They were equal to one another, they had both been stubborn fools to try and deny each other. They shifted and smiled at each other.

They lay together in bed embracing side by side, their bodies still slick with sweat and the room smelled heavily of sex, but neither dared to move. They were entranced by the promise of a future. It was perfect, an end, a beginning, a new start to their life _together_ and this time there would be no regrets.

A/N: Two chapters left…bloody hell this is going way too quickly. I might finish before my birthday after all. Fun fact about this, I was going to end the story here and leave everyone hanging to what they want for the ending, but was hit in the middle with the inspiration of the Jokers so one more chapter and an Epilogue.


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